


Oh, Baby!

by RamonaFoREVer



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: F/M, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 30,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamonaFoREVer/pseuds/RamonaFoREVer
Summary: An unexpected pregnancy rocks the boat for Aubrey and Synyster Gates.Brian is reluctant to give up his life, but he risks missing out on his child's...
Relationships: Synyster Gates/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. 1

My periods had always been all over the place, I’d even been told I couldn’t have kids by doctors and so we hadn’t exactly been careful. I’d put the mood swings, tiredness and weight gain down to being stressed out following Brian on tour. I’d not had any sickness or cravings, nothing that screamed ‘PREGNANT’. It was only when I started getting strange feelings in my stomach that I’d gone to the doctors.

“Could you be pregnant?” she asked after I’d told her about the weird flutterings.

“What? No way, I can’t be. I mean, literally can’t be. I don’t ovulate,” I said, with a shake of my head.

The doctor looked up from her computer. “All the same, I think a urine sample is the first course of action, to rule out pregnancy or a UTI. Then we can look at an ultrasound scan if the urine test bears no fruit,” she replied, handing me a small pot to pee into.

“Right. Should I go do this now?” I asked her.

She nodded and pointed to a room to the side where a toilet was. She had two strips ready when I returned. She dipped the first one into the sample.

“Good news, no sign of infection,” she smiled at me, throwing the first test into the bin. She got the second test strip and my heart jumped into my throat. She dipped it in the sample and put it to the side. As we waited for the results to develop, I got this feeling of dread in my stomach. Pregnancy was starting to make sense. The doctor picked up the test and I closed my eyes, willing it to be anything other than positive.

“Congratulations Aubrey, looks like you’re having a baby!” She smiled, showing me the positive pregnancy test. “I’ll refer you to your OB/GYN to get you a dating ultrasound. You’ll need to start taking prenatal vitamins right away. Would you like to go through the options you have?”

“I haven’t… I don’t…” I trailed off. I honestly had no clue where I was at.

“Don’t worry, take some time to think about it, but it’s likely if you’re feeling movement that you may need to hurry and make that decision.”

She turned and grabbed a handful of leaflets from the wall and shoved them into my hands. I looked down at them wearily. Amongst the pregnancy guides were pamphlets about abortion and adoption. Even at this moment feeling so unsure, I knew I couldn’t bring myself to have an abortion. I guess I was having a baby…

She broke me out of my thoughts as she spoke up again. “I have to ask if you’ve been drinking or smoking? Or taking any drugs?”

“No drugs but I have been drinking a little. Smoking too…” I looked down at my feet. “I honestly had no clue that I was pregnant or I wouldn’t have been, I swear.”

“Look, don’t worry about what has been, just focus on the now,” the doctor smiled sympathetically. “Stop drinking, try and stop smoking or at least cut down as much as possible and take your vitamins. I’ll get your OB/GYN to call you with your scan appointment.”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m sat in a rental car outside the hospital. I’ve been here for an hour now and had been crying my eyes out until about 5 minutes ago. How was I going to tell Brian? He would think I was trapping him or after his money. Jesus, I’d told him I couldn’t have kids so we didn’t need condoms, I sure look like a liar now.

We’d only been together a year and the last 3 months I’d been with him whilst he toured. They still have over 4 months of tour left. How am I supposed to drop this fucking bombshell? I jumped as my phone rang. Seeing ‘Bri’ flash across the screen, I groaned inwardly and rejected the call. I couldn’t talk to him on the phone. I switched it off and turned the key in the ignition. The engine roared into life and I closed my eyes. _Just do it. Go there and do it. All you have to say is “I’m pregnant” and then you can get the hell out._ Taking a deep breath, I shifted into reverse and started the drive back.

“Hey Aubrey, what’s up?”

Jimmy was sat outside the tour bus with a beer in hand, letting the morning sun beat down on his back. I nodded in his direction but couldn’t bring myself to make small talk so I headed straight for the bus.

Brian was sat at the back with Matt. They were joking about something and Matt threw back his head in laughter. _Here I come to ruin the day_. Brian looked up and waved me over.

“Aubrey! Remember after that show in fucking Rome when Zack drank like 20 of those shots and fucking puked-” He couldn’t finish the story as he and Matt both exploded into laughter.

“ _Another one!_ ” Matt raised a finger, imitating Zacky’s voice causing Brian to snort even harder with laughter. " _Guys, this shit is so good, Imma have... another one!_ "

I smiled weakly at them and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I remember,” I answered him, quietly. God, I can’t even look him in the eyes. He noticed my demeanour and his smile dropped a little.

“Back in a sec, man,” he said to Matt as he got up. He walked over to where I was standing and dropped his voice low. “Everything go ok at the doctors? You look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks!” I scoffed. “Listen... I need to talk to you, Bri.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” he murmured, looking at me closely and raising an eyebrow. “Come on, we’ll go somewhere more private. See you later, Matt!”

We started walking to the nearest bar, both quiet and thoughtful. We got to the door and I hung back. This could be the last ever conversation I have with Brian, right here in this bar. He pushed on ahead to the bar and got us a couple of beers. We sat at a table in a quiet corner and I clutched the beer that I wasn’t allowed to drink nervously.

“So,” Brian began, “What did the docs say?” He took a swig of his beer. I picked at the label on my bottle and sighed. _Now or never. Just say it._

“I… She said that I’m…” I froze up. Brian tilted his head and waited. _Fuck… I can’t do it. I just can’t. No! I have to. Just do it, say it. COME ON, AUBREY! Fucking say it!_

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out as quickly as possible. I stared at my beer so that I didn’t have to see his reaction. He’s quiet for the moment. My heart is beating so loud I think it might burst out my chest. I can’t bear the silence. Say something Brian, anything.

“Oh,” he managed. I got the courage to look up at his face. I couldn’t really read his expression but, like me, he clearly wasn’t thrilled. He opened his mouth again. “I thought-”

“Yeah, I thought that too. I swear I didn’t say it to trick you and I don’t need you to stick around or give me money or anything like that. I didn’t know I could Bri, I promise I didn’t know. I’m as surprised as you are. You don’t have to be involved. I can just head home and quietly disappear if you want.” I lowered my eyes again and went back to picking my beer label. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence until he broke it.

“Well, you won’t be needing that,” he said, pulling the beer out of my hands. “Are you… How long… When did this happen?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I’m as in the dark as you are. I have a scan soon to find out what’s going on. Look, I’m just going to go home. It’s better for everyone. I’ll see you round.” I stood. He made no move to stop me and so, I left. He didn’t follow or call me back, just sat there not saying a word.

I grabbed my stuff from the bus and waved to the guys who had all joined Jimmy outside in the sun.

“Uhh, I’ll catch you guys later. I gotta head home for a bit,” I called. They all looked puzzled.

“Everything alright, Aubrey?” I heard Zacky shout after me.

“Yep. Just got a… _family emergency,_ ” I replied gravely and set off, ignoring their calls behind me.

Looks like I won’t hear from Brian any time soon. There was no sign of him on my walk to get a cab. Must be drinking himself to a standstill in that bar.

Before long I spotted a cab and was on my way to the airport and, subsequently, back home to Cali. The flight was long and uncomfortable but at last I made it to Long Beach. Just half an hour and I can be home to try and sort my fucking head out.

I managed to hail a cab fairly quickly and before I knew it, I was pulling up to the door of my apartment. I paid my fare and grabbed my bags. As soon as I was in the door, I slumped against the wall and slid down until I was on the floor. The tears started falling thick and fast and a wail escaped my throat. Oh god, I’m going to ugly cry. _At least no is here to see it I thought_ , and with that I completely gave into the pressure that had been building in my chest and broke down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	2. 2

I rubbed my eyes and rolled over sleepily to check the clock. It wasn’t even 8am but I was far too awake to go back to sleep. I pulled myself away from the warmth and comfort of my bed and headed to the bathroom.

I inspected myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and sore from crying with dark circles under them and I was deathly pale. I sighed and looked away, rolling my eyes. Whoever said pregnancy made you bloom?

It had been two weeks since revealing the bombshell to Brian and he’d not contacted me. I’d not attempted to call him either, I wasn’t sure what reception I’d face. I’d received my ultrasound appointment and had been wondering whether to invite him. I was sure he would be too busy with the tour but I should probably include him all the same.

I bit my lip and typed out a message on my phone for him. I rewrote it several times before deciding that short and sweet would be best.

_Hey, I have a scan on the 30th at 10.30am at the hospital. Maybe I’ll see you there. Aubrey x_

...and send.

I realised I’d been holding my breath and let out a big sigh. I’d drive myself mad if I sat around waiting for a reply so I undressed and stepped into the shower to begin my morning routine. I’d hidden from all my adult responsibilities since arriving home and had a shit load of cleaning to face up to, starting with every single dish I owned piled up in the kitchen sink.

Before I knew it, the whole day had passed and I was heading for bed again, fairly satisfied with my cleaning blitz. I checked my phone for the millionth time. Still no reply. My heart sunk a little. I’d not expected him to want to be involved or to come around so quickly after my revelation, but I’d hoped that he might have a spark of interest at least. No such luck though.

I stripped off to get into my night clothes and looked down at my tummy which had a very small, rounded bump. I could just be a bit fat though, right? I'd been eating a _lot_ of ice cream. Maybe there was some mistake, maybe the test was wrong? These things weren’t 100% accurate after all, were they?

I pulled a large t-shirt on to cover up my stomach as my phone chimed. I grabbed at it eagerly, hoping for it to be Brian. It wasn’t my first choice of sender but it was certainly intriguing. The message was from Jimmy.

I grabbed my cigarettes and headed out to my balcony. I’d not managed to quit yet, and honestly? I felt so detached from everything, pregnancy included, that it was difficult to feel guilty about it. I sparked up a smoke as I opened the message.

_Hey stranger, are you still alive? J._

I was confused as to why Jimmy was actually contacting me for seemingly no reason but replied anyway.

 _Actually,_ I wrote, _I’m contacting you from beyond the grave._

Almost immediately my phone chimed again, signalling a reply.

_Glad to hear it. How’s the underworld?_

I furrowed my brow, unsure of why he was making small talk.

 _Never a dull day here. And what of the land of the living?_ I replied, setting my phone down by my feet and looked out towards the ocean.

I was lucky to have a sea view from my little apartment but it didn’t calm me tonight like it usually did. Nothing could make the world make sense right now. It was a few minutes before Jimmy’s reply came.

_It’s swell for some of us. Syn’s pretty rowdy at the moment. Something happen between you guys? You left so suddenly and he came back totally trashed that day. He’s been fucking weird ever since. I know you’re on vacay to the underworld but can you mail my friend’s soul back first class if you have it with you please?_

I didn’t know how to reply to this one without giving anything away. Clearly Bri was keeping it to himself. I chose my words carefully.

 _Jimmy, I needed to take a break from everything for personal reasons. I guess Brian didn’t take it so well. Take care of him for me_.

I hoped that would satisfy him enough that he’d leave it there. I was far from satisfied though. Sounds like I’ve ruined Brian’s life, temporarily at least. I guess he doesn’t want anything to do with this baby. Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned the scan to him I thought as I stubbed my cigarette out.

I tried to distract myself from the situation in vain. A tear crept down my cheek. I was going to have a baby that I wasn’t supposed to be able to have and I’d be all alone with it. How did this ever happen? I wiped the tear away and shook my head vigorously. I was not going to cry again, I’d done far too much of that the past two weeks and I was going to give myself a break for at least one night. Running a hand through my hair, I headed inside and slipped into bed, hoping to let sleep transport me to a less tumultuous world.

_1 Week Later_

The morning of my scan rolled around. I’d still not heard from Brian which felt like a kick to the ribs when I was already down. I couldn’t believe he’d cared so little that he hadn’t even acknowledged the message I’d sent last week. I’d not heard further from Jimmy either, or any of Avenged for that matter.

I was sat in the waiting room, nervously flicking through a pamphlet about pregnancy. The women in such pamphlets always looked so happy, stroking their bumps with loving smiles. I couldn’t feel further from that if I tried. I’d secretly hoped that Brian would be here with me today, maybe even surprise me by turning up last minute but here I was, alone and heartbroken. My head snapped up as a sonographer entered.

“Aubrey Wilson, please?” she called out.

 _Oh shit, my turn._ Time to face up to it. I stood and nervously waved a hand at her as I grabbed my bag with the other. As I approached her she looked me up and down and then eyed my hand with a raised eyebrow. _Oh great, she’s checking to see if I’m married. Wonderful._ I gave her a small smile, hoping it might restore some of her faith in me.

“Follow me please, Ms. Wilson.” she said, flatly. _Hmm, I guess not._

She led the way to a private room with a bed.

“Notes,” she demanded as she motioned for me to lie down. I handed them over. “Undo your jeans and pull your top up,” she said, brusquely.

I complied and hitched my tee up. She folded a paper towel over my panties and squirted a large blob of gel over my little bump. She turned the screen away from me and put the probe against my stomach.

“This is your first?” she asked, curtly. I nodded and tried to relax while she worked. She frowned a little at the screen, pressing a few buttons on the machine and then narrowing her eyes at me. “And this is your first scan,” she muttered, looking at my notes. “Do you have any idea how far along you are?”

“Uhh, I don’t actually. I was told I couldn’t have children so I never tracked anything or even knew I was pregnant until about 3 weeks ago,” I replied. I swallowed and returned her gaze. “Is everything okay? With the baby, I mean. I’m so scared that I’ve hurt it by not knowing and not doing what I should have been doing to take care of it. The father can’t be here and I’m worried all the stress and crying I’ve done will have hurt it,” I garbled, starting to feel tears pricking at my eyes.

“Everything is fine so far. I haven’t finished the checks yet,” her voice got a little warmer. Clearly I was so pathetic that it worked in my favour. “Have you been feeling movements at all?”

“Yes, that’s what made me go to the doctor. I actually thought I was maybe dying,” I laughed nervously, wiping at my eyes. She gave me a small smile in return, seeming to be softening.

“Okay, Aubrey. Are you ready to see your baby?” Her eyes creased as her smile grew. I nodded, gently.

 _Deep breaths, Aubrey._ She turned the screen slowly and I saw my baby for the first time. My breath hitched and a strange kind of amazement spread from top to toe. It looked surprisingly baby shaped. I’d kind of figured they stayed blobby looking for a while but this was far from what I imagined. It had arms, legs, a face. It was actually pretty cute in a weird way and my heart swelled a little looking at it. The baby gave a little wiggle on the screen and I felt a flutter in my stomach. _Oh my God, this is real…_

The sonographer snapped me out of my thoughts. “Aubrey, I’m not sure what your plans were for this pregnancy but I can tell you that abortion can’t be one of them. The size of baby indicates that you are around 22 weeks pregnant.” Her voice was soft and she’d lost all the harshness she’d had at the beginning of the appointment.

“22 weeks?” I tried not to choke on the shock. “What is that? Like 4 months?” I tried to do the math in my head but my mind was spinning, and I was never that good at math anyway.

“It’s actually about 5 months. Are you ok? Would you like some water?”

“5 months?” I repeated dizzily. “Are you sure?”

“I am,” she nodded. “I know this must be a shock for you but the important thing is that your baby appears perfectly healthy. Listen,” she smiled and hit a button.

**Bumbadda-bumbadda-bumbadda-bumbadda-bumbadda.**

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” she beamed at me as a smile stretched across my face.

“That’s the heartbeat? That fast?” I asked in wonder.

“Yep, it’s a strong little thing, isn’t it? Now, the most important, and fun, question,” she winked at me. “Do you want to know the gender?”

“Absolutely,” I breathed. I felt excited, nervous, sick, ecstatic, terrified… God, every emotion that exists flew through me like electricity at that moment.

“Okay Aubrey, you’re having a-“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	3. 3

I stood outside the hospital looking down at the pictures in my hand. Pictures of a little baby. A baby that was in _me_. Wriggling and kicking its tiny feet, I even saw it yawn. _Holy fuckballs._ It’s a little person already, doing little person things.  
  
As I gazed at the picture for hundredth time, the inner turmoil began again. Brian didn’t seem interested in the slightest, he hadn’t even replied when I mentioned the scan. Still I’d better tell him, I suppose. Heaving a big sigh, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, ready to face the father of my baby.  
  
***  
  
I lay awake, regretting last night’s decision as usual. My phone chimed loudly from the front of the bus, cutting through the haze of my morning hangover. I sat up slowly, like it might not make my head pound more than it already did. The JD had come to bed early with me again, much to the dismay of everyone else. I just didn’t feel like partying with them, I felt like being by myself and getting so shitfaced that I didn’t have to think of Aubrey and her shit. I’d fallen hook, line and sinker for the whole ‘can’t have kids’ act and now I was going to be tied down forever. How could I be Synyster Gates, badass guitarist that drank, smoked and partied my life away with a world famous metal band if I was Brian, the _dad_? I was one of the least fatherly people I knew; a baby just didn’t fit in with my lifestyle. A lifestyle that I didn’t really want to give up, at least not for some broad that I’d been fucking about with for a year. I mean, maybe it was a little more than fucking around but we definitely hadn’t been discussing marriage, houses and starting a family. I wasn’t ready to buy a family car, wear sensible clothes or discuss what kind of diapers to get. I definitely wasn’t ready for bodily fluids that weren’t related to excessive alcohol consumption. Shadows’ voice cuts through my thoughts.  
  
“He has risen!” he proclaimed, grinning like a fucking idiot as he pulled open my bunk curtain. “Dude, get up. Your phone has been going fucking nuts for the last hour. Jimmy’s threatening to throw himself out of the window if it goes off again. Do you want to be responsible for the dismantling of our band?”  
  
“Dude, chuck me a water,” I grumbled, rubbing my eyes and swinging my legs out of my bunk. “And advil. I fucking need advil.”  
  
“Coming right up,” he replied, as my phone rang out again. “And answer your damn phone!”  
  
I pulled myself out of my bunk and groaned. The sunlight was splitting my head in two. Matt reappeared and chuckled.  
  
“It might make your head better, but it won’t save you from yourself,” he said, knowingly.  
  
I flicked him the bird in reply with a grimace and followed him to the front of the bus where the rest of my brothers sat around. Jimmy jumped up.  
  
“Oh thank God, will you please do something with this? I can’t take it anymore!” he exclaimed, theatrically thrusting my phone towards me.  
  
Once I’d removed the phone from his hand, he cheered and turned back to the band. “A round of applause for Synyster Gates everybody; he’s worked so hard to set the world record for most missed calls and messages!”  
  
“I’m starting to wish you had jumped out of the window,” I teased, a small smile playing across my lips as Jimmy let out a fake gasp and clutched at his heart dramatically. I checked my phone and saw the name I’d been avoiding. I switched it to silent, I wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say.  
  
“Come on, man, we’ve been watching her blow your phone up all morning. Don’t your bestest ever friends get to know what’s going on?” Zacky grinned, followed quickly by Jimmy starting up again.  
  
“ _Synysteeeerrrr,_ ” he sang, accompanied by a rather odd dance. “ _King-iest King of guitar and denialllll!_ ”  
  
“Geez, Jim. Don’t you think my head’s bad enough already?” I quipped, though I had to admit that my face was cracking into a smile at Jimmy’s eccentric moves.  
  
“Well if you’d have shared some of that whiskey…” Johnny laughed, dodging my clumsy punch. _Damn, I would have got him if I wasn’t hungover._ I flopped down on the couch in between Matt and Zacky and threw back my water and pills.  
  
“Soooo?” Zach nudged me, gesturing at the phone. I groaned.  
  
“Alright, alright. I can see I won’t get any rest until I do,” I relented, unlocking my phone. 7 missed calls and 3 messages, all from her. I hesitated and realised the bus had gone quiet. I looked up to 4 pairs of expectant eyes on me. I raised an eyebrow at them all.  
“Are you all really that invested in my life?” I asked, only to have them all vigorously nod their heads.  
  
“Of course we want to know what’s going on. Have you not seen yourself for the last two weeks?” Matt joked, though I could tell that there was a hint of seriousness to it. Sighing, I opened the first message as they all cheered. I vetted it and then read it out loud.  
  
_Syn, can you answer your phone? We need to talk._  
  
“Boring!” Jimmy called out. “Next message!”  
  
I rolled my eyes, moved on to the second message and read it out.  
  
_Come on Bri, I get things were left on a shitty note but don’t you think you owe me at least a last phone call?_  
  
“Did you break up with her or something?” Johnny asked. Jimmy waved a hand cutting him off.  
  
“Be quiet, short shit! Bad things always come in threes, next message, my dude!” he cackled.  
  
“Are you taking pleasure in this?” I asked in mock disbelief, managing a small laugh. I opened the third message and my smile disappeared. I could feel all eyes on me but I was frozen. Matt leaned over and looked at my screen after I’d not moved for a few seconds.  
  
“Holy shit, Syn!” he exclaimed, triggering the others to all huddle round us. There was a moment of silence before an eruption of cheers.  
  
“Daddy Gates!” Jimmy screeched in elation, punching my arm.  
  
My phone was passed around and my brothers all whooped and hollered around me at the message. There on the screen was a picture; a black and white, grainy-looking but unmistakable image of a baby…  
  
Zacky’s voice cut through the celebration.  
“Syn, please don’t tell us that this is what you’ve been fucking miserable over?” he laughed, incredulously. I looked around at all of them.  
  
“Well… yeah,” I mumbled, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. “Don’t you guys realise what this means? It means no more band, no more touring. I won’t have time for this shit if Aubrey has a baby.”  
  
They all looked at one another with odd expressions.  
  
“Oh dude, come on. Do you really think that will happen?” Johnny asked with a smirk. “I mean, sure, you’ll take some time off at first but it’s only a baby, Gates. It won’t be that way forever. Did you think we’d send you packing or something?”  
  
“Well, no, but-” I began, but Matt cut me off.  
  
“Baby Gates! Baby Gates!” he chanted, the others joining in until there was a rowdy chorus celebrating the very thing I’d been so afraid of.  
  
“Guys, stop. Come on, seriously. Do you think that I would really make a good father?” I said miserably, lowering my eyes. Zacky snorted.  
  
“You certainly nurse a bottle of whiskey just fine,” he jabbed, eliciting a chorus of laughter.  
  
“Yeah but seriously, do I look like father material? I’m not ready for a fucking baby. They scream, they puke, they shit themselves,” I listed off, heavy hearted.  
  
“You’ve looked after Zacky after a heavy night, it’s all the same thing,” shrugged Jimmy, ducking as a punch flew his way from the subject of his joke.  
  
“Hey, I’ve never shit myself,” Z narrowed his eyes at Jimmy, attempting to land another punch. Jimmy threw himself to the floor and rolled clumsily.  
  
“You’ll never get the Knife Master!” he yelled, barely avoiding another fist. A light hearted scuffle ensued but was cut off shortly by another message tone ringing out from my phone. They jumped up and everyone looked at me with wide eyes.  
  
“Go on, bro. Open it!” Johnny urged. I steeled myself and opened the message as they all crowded round.  
  
_That’s your son, Brian. He’s due Christmas Day. Call me if you want to, A x_  
  
“IT’S A BOY!” Matt erupted. I never thought 4 men could make such a deafening noise. Matt had forgotten it was before noon and was pouring shots of whiskey, Jimmy and Zack were jumping around, Johnny was slapping me on the back; all the while they were all rowdily chanting ‘Baby Gates’. Their elation started creeping through the fog of fear and I actually found myself smiling a little as Matt tried to hand me a shot. I grimaced and pushed it back towards him.  
  
“Oh, don’t tell me you’re a responsible father now?” he grinned, breaking away from the chant he’d started. I shook my head, chuckling.  
  
“Dude, I honestly don’t think I can manage that shit right now after last night.”  
  
“Hair of the dog, bro. Best thing for you,” he winked back. _Fuck it._ I accepted the shot as everyone raised theirs high. Matt poured his own and then turned to face everyone. “To Baby Gates, may he fucking shred on a guitar as hard as his father does!” he bellowed.  
  
They all cheered and knocked their shots back. Matt busied himself pouring more as they excitedly discussed how crazy this whole thing was.  
  
I crept away to my bunk quietly with my phone, looking at the ultrasound picture. I felt a bit sick, unsure if it was from nerves or the shot. _Probably the shot._ I took a deep breath and skimmed through my contacts until I found her number. I had no idea what to say or whether she even wanted to speak to me but, as I heard another cheer from the front of the bus, I knew I had to say something. I tapped her name and closed my eyes, dizzy and overwhelmed.  
  
_Calling Aubrey…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	4. 4

I tried not to dwell on the lack of reply from Syn. He’d not answered my calls or texts. I guess it’s his way of letting me know that he’s not getting involved. Instead of wallowing in misery, I decided to be proactive and get myself a new wardrobe.  
  
My jeans – the ones I could still do up – were uncomfortably tight and I could no longer pretend that I wasn’t going to have a huge baby bump before long. I’d saved up and quit my well-paying job to go on tour with Brian, which had left me in a less than desirable position financially but I could manage to spare a little for some comfortable clothes. I didn’t want to think about where I was going to find the money for baby stuff. I was going to have to start job hunting fairly soon, but who in their right mind would take on a pregnant woman?  
  
Armed with piles of clothes, I headed to a fitting room. I’d just pulled some unbelievably comfortable jeans on and was in the process of pulling a top over my head when my phone rang. I wrestled frantically to get the top off, diving on my phone as soon as I was free. It was him. _Fuck._ I panicked and fumbled for a second, nearly dropping the phone before answering it.  
  
“Bri?” I blurted. _Well done, Aubrey. That didn’t look desperate…_ If I thought for a second that I could do this whole thing without him, it was all undone the moment he spoke.  
  
“Aubrey? Can we talk?” his voice was soft, pleading and it completely threw me off.  
  
“Are you ok?” I asked, concerned at that moment only for him.  
  
“I got your messages…” he trailed off. There was an awkward silence between us, a showdown where each was waiting on the other to say something. I made the first move.  
  
“Pretty crazy, huh?” I said with a nervous laugh.  
  
“Yeah,” he agreed, quietly. Oh come on Brian, give me something to work with here. More silence. He was obviously not feeling talkative. Ugh, let me do the hard work then.  
  
“So look, Bri, you don’t have to be involved if-”  
  
“Can you come and see me?” he interrupted. I faltered for a moment.  
  
“Uhh, I could.” I hesitated, checking the date. “You’re in Illinois, right?”  
  
“We will be before long. Listen Aubrey, I have to go, but you’ll come, right?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ll be there,” I replied, slowly.  
  
He hung up without even saying goodbye and I rolled my eyes. He never was one for chitchat over the phone but apparently he’d now lost all basic etiquette. I opened my banking app and checked my balance. The number made me grimace but there was enough to get to him. I kind of hated myself for following him without question like a puppy, but I guess that’s what love does to you. He must be feeling something for us if he’d invited me back again, surely? But then, maybe not. He’d not exactly been cheery on the phone. Why couldn’t things ever be simple? My little squish fluttered about and I instinctively pressed a hand to my bump.  
  
“Everything will be ok, little one, I promise.” I felt my eyes prick as I sniffled. _Am I seriously going to cry again? What am I even crying over this time?_ I really did try to stop myself but clearly my hormones had already decided my fate for me and I let out an almighty sob. Big, fat tears started spilling down my face. Geez, I’m so dramatic now. I was just attempting to give myself a stern talking to when a voice jolted me back to reality.  
  
“Miss, are you okay in there?” a girl asked nervously. I glanced at my surroundings.  
  
_Fuck!_ I’m in the fucking fitting rooms still. I’m in the fitting rooms and I’m howling. Loudly. _Stop it, Aubrey. Stop crying right now, you hormonal, snotty mess and answer her!_  
  
“Oh, I’m great!” I tried to call out cheerfully but my voice cracked halfway though. Oh for fucks sake, I couldn’t have sounded less convincing if I tried. I could sense that the woman was hovering nervously outside my curtain. I cleared my throat and tried again.  
“I’m really quite ok, thanks,” I called out. She gave a relieved grunt in response and I heard her shuffle away. I breathed out my own sigh of relief and gently slapped my palm against my forehead a few times. _Man up, Wilson._  
  
My motivation for clothes shopping had been lost, so I grabbed a couple of pairs of jeans, paid and high tailed it out of there before anyone could ask any questions about my face, which was a fucking mascara smudged mess.  
  
Back home, I distracted myself from endlessly replaying the torturously embarrassing fitting room scene in my head by finding a flight out to Chicago. I picked the earliest one – why hang around? – and after a few clicks it was booked and paid for. I quickly tapped a message to Brian on my phone.  
  
_Flight booked. See you in a few hours, A x_  
  
I closed my laptop and placed my head in my hands. My message alert chimed making me jump and I silently thanked the man upstairs for the distraction. I dived on my phone and opened the message from Brian.  
  
_Ok._  
  
Well, gee, thanks for the enthralling response, asshole. He’s never been good at texting either, but lately it just irritated me so much more, as did everything. I gritted my teeth and got to packing. The thought of another flight didn’t have me jumping for joy but I figured there was no other way for us to meet. Brian couldn’t exactly just drop the tour and here I was with nothing to tie me down.  
  
Grabbing handfuls of clothes, I sighed. In a few hours I would see him again and hopefully things would go more smoothly this time. It could hardly go worse than last time when I’d had all of 6 words out of him and then a lecture about beer. Once I’d stuffed the last bits into my bag, I reached over to my dressing table for the scan pictures. I delicately laid them on top of my clothes and zipped the bag up. I was ready.  
  
  
  
  
7 hours later I was standing in front of Avenged’s tour bus. Holy shit, here I am again. Just a few months ago, I’d excitedly clambered up the steps after Syn, full of hopes and dreams and excitement. Couldn’t say I was that excited this time around. In fact, I was about ready to turn around and run in the opposite direction.  
  
I’d touched down in Chicago at 7.30pm and had spent the last hour travelling to the venue. Exhausted and looking less than attractive, I boarded the bus. Upon seeing me, four guys immediately rushed over, gleefully shouting their congratulations. I was pulled into hugs, asked if I needed anything, asked questions about the baby. The warm reception only made Brian’s absence all the more obvious. I finally managed to pull away from the last embrace.  
  
“Thanks, you guys. Seriously, I’m seconds away from tears so you should probably stop but I really appreciate the love,” I smiled, trying to peek behind them. My heart sank upon seeing the empty couches. The disappointment engulfed me. I really thought he would have at least been around to greet me. “Where’s Bri?” I tried to ask casually, looking between the four of them. They all exchanged weird looks with one another, clearly trying to work out what to say. Jimmy broke the silence.  
  
“Who?” he questioned, casually. “Oh, you mean Synyster Gates, world famous guitarist of Avenged Sevenfold? Yeah, we haven’t seen that guy for a while. But hey, this creepy, weird hermit is living in one of the bunks though, maybe he’s seen him?”  
  
Trying and failing to hold back my smirk, I thanked them all again for the welcome and headed towards the bunks. My heart was in my throat by the time I reached Brian’s bunk; I wasn’t sure what reception I would be getting. I set down my bag and softly called his name. The curtain slid to the side and he looked out at me. He had a grim expression, smelt kind of funky and his black hair stuck in every direction – and not in a good, Synyster Gates way.  
  
“Jesus,” I tried not to giggle as Jimmy’s hermit comment resonated around my brain. “You look worse than me, Bri.” I put a hand to my mouth, hoping to cover the smile that was starting to pull at my lips. My shoulders started to shake. Ugh. I spend all that time crying and now I’m laughing at the worst possible moment. _Good one, Aubrey._  
  
Syn narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m glad you find it funny,” he muttered, flatly.  
  
“Oh come on, have you looked in the mirror recently?” I replied, regaining my composure a little. He went to slide the curtain shut again but I grabbed his arm before he could.  
  
“I’m sorry,” I said, sincerely. “Why don’t we both freshen up and then we can talk?”  
  
He thought about it for a moment and then nodded in agreement. “Yeah, okay. Back in a sec,” he murmured, wandering off towards the front of the bus. I headed in the opposite direction to the lounge. There wasn’t much I could do with myself other than raking a brush through my hair and touching up my make up. That would have to do.  
  
“Hey,” Brian called, softly. I turned to look at him. He’d sort of tamed his hair into submission, at least enough so that it wasn’t funny to look at any more. I gave him a little wave and he took a seat. Weighing up my options, I decided to sit across from him. He clearly needed some space still so I tried to be reasonable. Snuggling up was probably not a good idea at this moment. He started up his mute act again, so I plucked up my courage and dived in.  
  
“You wanna see the scan pictures?” I asked. He nodded meekly, so I busied myself in digging through my bag for them. I found them and stretched my arm over, offering them to him. He hesitated for a moment before reluctantly taking them from me and looking over them briefly.  
  
“This is our boy, huh?” He looked up at me. He’d said ‘our’ boy, which was some sort of progress, I suppose. He was so difficult to read, however, that I wasn’t really sure if he was pleased or not.  
  
“And due on Christmas Day, how about that?” I probed for more of a response but got nothing. “You guys might have just finished tour in time for you to come to the birth.”  
  
His head shot up, mouth hanging open, “I have to be at the birth?” He seemed genuinely shocked (and a little repulsed) by the idea.  
  
“I-I… uhh…” I stuttered, completely taken aback. “You don’t want to be?” I asked, finally.  
  
He shrugged, “I don’t know.”  
  
“Okay, what’s going on, Brian? You need to tell me what you want.” I looked at him expectantly. He heaved a great sigh and met my gaze.  
  
“I’ll be straight with you, Aubrey. I don’t know what I want. I’m a rock star that tours and parties and likes the easy life. I don’t think a baby has a place in my life,” he paused, clearly uneasy. “After I got your message, the guys seemed so happy and I got worked up thinking maybe it could work. Guess I got swept up by their reaction a little.”  
  
“So, what? You aren’t happy? You don’t think it could work? You don’t even want to try?” Questions were pouring out, my eyes beginning to mist.  
  
He sighed again, more exasperatedly this time, “Aubrey, what do you want me to say? This was kind of sprung on me.”  
  
I scoffed, “And it wasn’t sprung on me?”  
  
“Oh come on, Aub. You must have had some idea,” he looked at me, coldly.  
  
“Are you accusing me of hiding this from you?” I sputtered, in disbelief that he was going there. He looked away. The tears were welling up, but they were accompanied by a rage building from the pit of my stomach. I addressed him again. “Brian, look at me. Do you think I planned this?” I demanded. I’m so angry I think my eye is twitching.  
  
His eyes flicked back to mine but his face stayed stony. “I don’t fucking know, did you?” He retorted, harshly. It was like he’d poured gasoline on the fire in my stomach. I stood, trying to control my rage.  
  
“Why did you ask me here?” I asked, slowly.  
  
“I don’t know,” he shrugged casually, his face still expressionless. His nonchalance only added to my fury. My hands were shaking now. He looked up at me and dared to open his mouth, “What?”  
  
I was done being the bigger person here. I turned sharply and started to storm away from the lounge. He rushed to his feet and grabbed my arm. I spun around.  
  
“DON’T TOUCH ME.” I shrieked, pulling my arm away fiercely. It was Brian’s turn to look taken aback. I was breathing deeply, trying to stop myself from attacking him.  
  
“Aubrey, don’t leave,” he pleaded, his brown eyes deep with sorrow. For fuck’s sake, he’s like Jekyll and fucking Hyde, this boy. His puppy eyes couldn’t save him right now though.  
  
“Why the FUCK am I here, Brian?” I spat, not even bothering to keep my voice down any more. The group at the front of the bus had gone deathly quiet but I was past caring that we had an audience. “Do you not think you owe me that much, to tell me why you dragged me all the way out here just to shit all over me?”  
  
“Aub, please. I’m just so confused about this.”  
  
“And I’m not?” I snapped back.  
  
He was quiet. Brian The Mute had returned. I took the opportunity to leave and, just like last time, he let me go. The tears that had been threatening to break out finally made their appearance as I stumbled towards the front of the bus. The rest of Avenged looked at me with pity which just made the whole thing even more humiliating.  
  
Matt stood as I passed. “Aubrey-” he began, but I cut him off with the wave of a hand as I stepped off the bus.  
  
The cool night air washed over me and cooled my temper a little. I leaned against the bus and tilted my head back, letting the tears fall. I gave my little bump a protective stroke. _Looks like we’re doing this alone, just me and Baby Gates…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	5. 5

I sat in the lounge of our bus, my mind buzzing from our argument. A cigarette hung from my lips and my good friend Jack Daniels was sat next to me. I couldn’t seem to open my mouth anymore without putting my foot in it. Why I was being an asshole, I wasn’t sure. I had the self-awareness to know that I alone was single-handedly destroying any chance of a future relationship with Aubrey… and my son.  
  
It’s just that this thing was… fucking terrifying. Babies are terrifying. They puke, they cry, they take over your whole damn life. I took a long drag of my smoke and reached for the JD. My hand brushed against something. The scan pictures… I didn’t want to look but at the same time I was helplessly drawn to them. Taking a deep breath, I picked them up and looked properly at it. The baby. My baby.  
  
My heart sank as uneasiness came over me and then shame. Shame at my inability to feel anything for this thing, shame at my actions. A throat cleared, distracting me from my thoughts. I looked up to be met with Jimmy looking somewhere between sympathetic and weary.  
  
“The miracle of life, huh?” He said, quietly. I kept my eyes down on the pictures in my hands.  
  
“I’m being a jackass, aren’t I?” I replied, stubbing my cigarette out.  
  
He shrugged back at me, “Yeah, a little.”  
  
“I don’t know how you guys are so positive and certain about it,” I confessed. “I’m confused, Jim. I’m fucking scared. Three weeks ago, I was just Synyster Gates. I could drink as much as I wanted, party until I passed out. I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Now I’m second guessing everything. I don’t get how I’m supposed to be Synyster and be a dad… Everything I touch, I always end up turning it to shit. The only thing I hadn’t fucked up yet was Avenged, but look how that’s going now.”  
  
Jimmy didn’t reply, he just took a seat next to me and peered at the pictures. He drew my attention to the last picture with a smile. “Check it out, Mini Gates is sucking his thumb,” he pointed out. “Man, how can you not be amazed by it? I know you’re freaking out – totally unnecessarily by the way – but that’s your son,” he finished in wonder.  
  
“And this is my band, J,” I countered. Jimmy held up a hand to stop me.  
  
“Yeah, this is your band,” he started, looking me dead in the eye, “and we are your brothers, Bri. We’re not about to leave you in the dust. Avenged isn’t going anywhere without you. And you don’t have to put your life on hold because of this. We are a family and we don’t leave anyone behind. But you’ll regret it for the rest of your days if you miss out on your son’s life just because you didn’t want to miss a few shitty parties. There will be a fuck load more parties to go to, but you only get to do this once. Know what I’m saying?” He put an arm around me as I gave a small nod. He squeezed me tightly. “Besides all that, don’t you think ‘Uncle Knife Master’ sounds fucking awesome?”  
  
“Jesus, Jimmy,” I laughed, finally cracking my face. Jimmy let out one of his chuckles which only made me laugh harder.  
  
“The Reverend Tholomew Plague, at your service.” He bowed, tipping an imaginary hat. He waited until we’d fallen quiet again before taking the strip of pictures from my hands and gazing at them. “Brian, I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t say to you now that you are about to royally fuck everything up. Be a man and go sort your shit out, brother.”  
  
Jimmy was right. Jimmy was always right, though I’d never tell him that, lest I hear about it until the end of time. I thought about going out after Aubrey but I figured she might want some space for the time being. She would have to come back at some point, she’d left her bag. She wasn’t the only one I had to explain myself to though.  
  
I headed to the front of the bus where all the guys were sat. Johnny offered me a beer but I declined. I wanted to stay clear headed until I’d settled everything.  
  
Zacky shot me a concerned look, “You alright, Bri?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m good. I just wanted to say sorry, guys,” I addressed all of them. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this but I do at least know I’ve been a fucking douche the last few weeks.”  
  
“Can someone please film this moment? Synyster Gates is apologising. We are making history right here on this bus,” Jimmy yelled, slamming his hand down on the table. I pursed my lips as they all, predictably, doubled up in laughter.  
  
“Yep,” I nodded my head at them all, amused. “Get it out of your system.”  
  
Eventually the laughter died down and then Matt spoke first, “You don’t need to apologise, Syn. We know it must be a head fuck. Just glad you’re coming to your senses. Now, you gonna go find Aubrey? She’s pissed at you, bro. Damn, I wouldn’t want to be you right now, angry pregnant women are dangerous.” He let out a hearty laugh.  
  
“Yeah, I’d better go and face her wrath,” I grimaced, knowing I was about to get my ass handed to me.  
  
“Don’t worry man, we’ll hold a good funeral for you,” Johnny chimed in.  
  
I stuck a finger up at him as I made my way down the steps, grinning, “I’ll be haunting you for sure, short shit.”  
  
  
  
Aubrey hadn’t gone far. In fact, she’d not made it even 5 meters from the bus. She was sat on the sidewalk, picking at the gravel. I called her name softly, but she kept her head down, silently ignoring me. She must still be furious. It was late now, and cold. I could see the goose bumps on her arms so I wrapped my jacket around her shoulders. She didn’t acknowledge me but accepted the jacket so I guess that’s something. I sat beside her and followed her lead in fidgeting with the grit on the floor.  
  
“Aub?” I was met with silence, so I continued. “Please come back on the bus, even if you just stay the night and then go.”  
  
Silence. She finally looked up at me. I expected to see venom in her eyes but was met with tears still fresh on her face. All the fear and anger of the past hour aside, it broke my heart to see her so saddened, especially knowing it was by my hand.  
  
“Fuck, I’ve been an asshole. I’m so sorry,” I put an arm around her and pulled her in close to me. She leaned in and let me comfort her, just for a moment; but then she pulled away abruptly and looked down at her feet.  
  
“I need some space,” she said, simply. I nodded.  
  
“You can have the back of the bus to yourself. We can talk in the morning,” I suggested, but she shook her head.  
  
“I’ll stay tonight, but I’m leaving first thing,” she replied, slowly. My heart sank but I didn’t argue. She needed rest, not more stress.  
  
“Ok,” I agreed, solemnly. I got up and held out a hand to her to help her up. She took it and hauled herself to her feet with my assistance. She still wouldn’t look me in the eye. I took in her form, small and defeated. I’d fallen in love with her because she stood tall and proud. She had always been loud and bubbly, with a captivating confidence and an infectious laugh. She was far from that now, though. I guess everything I touch does go to shit.  
  
We walked back over to the bus in silence. I climbed up the steps first and was greeted by expectant looks. I shook my head to signal for them to stay quiet. Aubrey clambered up behind me and I led her back to the lounge at the back of the bus. I hastily stashed the JD and cigarettes and cleared off the couch for her. She mumbled her thanks and sat.  
  
“Do you need anything?” I asked, but she only shook her head in reply. I silently pleaded for her to look up at me but she remained motionless, eyes trained on the floor. I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.  
  
“Should I go?” I swallowed, already knowing the answer. She nodded silently. I hovered for a second, not really wanting to leave. I knew I couldn’t stay though so I admitted defeat and walked away back to the guys.  
  
Johnny looked at me expectantly, “Well?”  
  
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I think she’s leaving in the morning. I want to talk to her before she goes but I don’t think she wants to hear what I have to say,” I sighed. “Still got that beer for me?” I took my place on the couch and took the bottle from Johnny’s hand.  
  
I stayed quiet for the next couple of hours as the guys chatted in hushed tones about this and that. We kept the drinking to a minimum, aware that we had a big show to be ready for the next day. It was a heavy heart and a clear head that I headed to my bunk with around midnight. I glanced towards the lounge and saw Aubrey curled up on her side, still in my jacket, fast asleep. I grabbed a spare blanket and laid it over her gently, being careful not to wake her. I watched her sleep for a moment as my emotions stirred up in me again. I might not feel totally ready for a baby, but I couldn’t think of a better person for it to have happened with. I resolved to not let her go without speaking to her first. I could only hope she’d agree to listen. I softly took the scan pictures from beside her and climbed into my bunk. This wasn’t just a baby, it was _our_ baby. Baby Gates. The thought danced in my mind as I drifted off to sleep while looking at the pictures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	6. 6

I woke up in the middle of the night to silence. I checked my phone – 3.07am. I tried unsuccessfully to drift back off for a while, but my brain was up and at it. A hurricane of fear and anxiety was starting to whirl so I gave up.  
  
As I sat up, I felt Baby Gates softly wiggle. It was calming in a weird way, like he was trying to comfort me. I strained my eyes to see where everyone was. The bus was very dimly lit and completely devoid of life. Tremendous snoring came from one of the bunks. Looks like they have an early start tomorrow.  
  
I tiptoed as quietly as I could down to the front. The table was littered with beer bottles, ashtrays and random personal effects. I sifted through it all to find a pack of cigarettes. It didn’t take long. I slid one out and put it to my lips. The lighter sparked into life and I brought it closer but faltered as it reached the cigarette. _Don’t do it, Aubrey._  
  
I sighed, returning the smoke to the pack and dropping the lighter noisily. I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck my life sideways and fuck this fucking-_  
  
“Hard night?” came a lowered voice from my side. I snapped my head up with a gasp. Jimmy was somehow standing right next to me.  
  
“Did you fucking teleport or something?” I asked in disbelief, trying to slow my heart.  
  
“Who knows?” He replied with a mysterious air and then chuckled. “Nah, I was awake so I followed you down here.”  
  
“You couldn’t sleep either, huh?” I gave him a weak smile. He smirked in return.  
  
“Have you heard Zach’s snoring? I’m in the bunk above him and the whole thing vibrates, I swear,” he pulled a face, making me giggle, and made for the cigarettes. “Do you mind?”  
  
“Not at all,” I gave him a wave of permission. “So how’s the tour going?”  
  
“It’s great,” he replied, picking up the lighter, “but we’re not gonna talk about that, are we?”  
  
“I think I know where this is going,” I replied flatly as he sparked up his cigarette and took a deep drag. He puffed it back out and grinned mischievously at me.  
  
“You know it, Aubrey. It’s that women’s intuition,” he winked at me. _Ha, asshole._ He took another puff of his cigarette and his expression changed. “Syn loves you. I know he’s been a stupid fucker but he really does. Maybe, before you go, just hear what he has to say?”  
  
I lowered my eyes, “Maybe. I’ll think about it.” I had no intention of speaking to Brian again. He’d said enough last time. I gave Jimmy a small smile. Both he and I knew that my words were empty promises but, thankfully, he didn’t press it.  
  
We sat in a mostly comfortable silence whilst he finished his cigarette. My brain was running through the situation at a million miles an hour for the hundredth time. I was pretty sure that Jimmy could read my mind because as he stubbed out his cigarette, he fired another question at me, though it was not the one I was expecting.  
  
“What do you want?” he asked, meeting my eye. A short, but heavily loaded, question that I wasn’t sure I knew the answer to.  
  
“What makes you think I know?” I answered, wearily.  
  
He cocked his head to one side, “You haven’t thought about it?”  
  
“I’ve been kind of busy being embroiled in what Brian wants,” I shrugged. It was true, I hadn’t really thought about where I was going with everything. Maybe that’s why I was dragging Bri for not knowing – a little bit of projection there, I guess.  
  
“Isn’t this even more of a reason to speak with him?” Jimmy broke through my thoughts. I sighed heavily, still not sure. Bri’s words last night had been like a knife twisting in my side and I felt like I was still trying to close the wound.  
  
“Did you not hear him last night?” I reminded him.  
  
“We all did. It was kind of hard not to hear you guys,” he replied, smirking slightly. “But you know Brian, Aubrey. He’s notoriously shit at listening, but he’s also pretty awful at talking. The rest of us only found out about this yesterday and then he barely spoke to any of us about it… until last night.”  
  
My eyes flickered to him briefly only to catch his unfaltering stare. _Damn it. He knows he’s got my attention._ “What did he say last night?” The question tumbled out of my mouth in a rush before I could stop it. _Ugh, Desperate Aubrey strikes again._  
  
“Why don’t you ask him about that?” Jimmy replied, reaching for another cigarette. The tone of his voice signaled the end of the conversation. I hesitated for a moment, turning over his words in my head and deciding whether to press for more. I decided against it, stood and bid him goodnight. He watched me walking away for a second before softly calling after me.  
  
“I know he wants this really. The baby, I mean.”  
  
I stopped in my tracks and waited for a moment to see if he had more to divulge.  
  
“He took the scan pictures to bed with him,” he added. He paused for a moment, seemingly trying to decide whether to say more on the subject. He opted not to in the end and simply said, “Goodnight, Aubrey.”  
  
“Night, Rev.”  
  
  
  
  
As I passed the bunks, I softly pulled Syn’s curtain back a fraction to peek in. He was peacefully asleep, his chest rising and falling with soft breaths. He looked heavenly, as always. Even now, when I was so angry and his hair was all over the place.  
  
Jimmy hadn’t been lying; there the scan pictures were, clutched in his hand. Ugh, it was _my_ turn to be seriously confused. I still loved Brian, of course, I couldn’t just switch it off… but at this moment there were still embers left from the furious fire that had coursed through my veins earlier. The blaze had been tamed a little by the curiosity I had with Brian and Jimmy’s conversation. I didn’t know whether to validate the lingering anger or ignore it, but even taking the events of the previous weeks into consideration, I still missed him. Painfully so. Perhaps we could just bury our heads and be for tonight.  
  
_Aubrey…_ my inner voice chided, _don’t do it. You’ll regret it in the morning._  
Oh fuck off, Sensible Aubrey, I don’t need rationalisation. I mentally stuck a finger up at her and went ahead with the impulse, climbing softly into the bunk.  
  
When I woke the next morning, it was in Syn’s embrace. He’d half woken as I climbed into his bed and eagerly pulled me into his arms before drifting off again. I snuggled closer, savouring the moment. I loved the security that being wrapped up in his colourful arms brought. His words from the previous night were still stinging a little though and I couldn’t escape the fact that I was still upset.  
  
I slipped out of his arms and down from the bunk, managing somehow not to wake him. The sun was just beginning to rise. Time to go. I knew I was essentially just running from the problem but I figured I was more than justified in needing a little time alone. I still felt like a coward though, slipping away whilst everyone was sleeping, but I couldn’t face the questions. Of course, nothing’s ever simple and a voice caught me as I slung my backpack onto my shoulder.  
  
“Sleep well?” He asked, knowingly. His demeanour was a little different to last night. Slightly less friendly. I raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“Have you been awake this whole time?” I shot back, eyeing him suspiciously. Jimmy shrugged.  
  
“I don’t sleep well on the bus, I’m holding out for the hotel tonight.” His eyes flickered to the bag on my shoulder. “I see you’re leaving?” he asked, cooly.  
  
“Don’t make this hard on me, Jim.”  
  
“I’m not the one making it hard,” he jabbed. He quickly softened though. “Don’t you want to just try talking to him?”  
  
I lowered my eyes. I wasn’t sure I was ready to forgive Brian just yet, as much as my body ached for him. I swallowed against the lump that was in my throat. Jimmy didn’t probe, choosing instead to retreat back to his place at the front of the bus where his coffee sat. I felt frozen to the spot, unsure of whether to defend myself or just leave. I hesitated a moment too long.  
  
“Are you leaving?” came Brian’s hurt voice from behind me. _Oh shit. That’s what you get for climbing into his fucking bed, moron._ Sensible Aubrey was reveling in this. I turned to face him, slowly.  
  
“I was about to,” I admitted, feeling guilty as ever. His face fell. If ever there was a moment for the ground to swallow me up, it was now.  
  
“You don’t want to talk… at all?” His brown eyes were pools of sadness and I could feel Jimmy’s icy blues boring holes into my back. _Fuck’s sake._ I closed my eyes for a second and then relented.  
  
“Come on, then,” I gestured for him to follow me. “Let’s go somewhere more private.” I slung my bag onto the couch and we made for the exit to have, what was likely going to be, a painful conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	7. 7

The morning air was bitter, biting at my skin and colouring my cheeks. I was already cringing at the thought of the conversation to come. We ambled down the sidewalk slowly, easily, as though nothing was wrong even though we were at a make-or-break point.  
  
We sure were pretty quiet for two people who were supposed to be talking. Avenged would have to do their sound check before long presumably, but Brian seemed to be in no rush. There were birds singing, the lull of distant traffic leading their score, but I hardly noticed. All I could hear was the blood pounding in my head from my frenzied thoughts. We continued to wander down the street, the heavy silence engulfing us. He was first to break it.  
  
“I know I’ve been an ass,” he began, sighing heavily. “I don’t have an excuse really, I was just… panicking. I had a million crazy voices in my head and I listened to them instead of the sensible one.” I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to meet his gaze.  
  
“And what does the sensible one say?” I asked, keeping my own eyes forward.  
  
“That I want this baby, that I want this family,” he replied, softly. I sighed, heavily.  
  
“I want to believe you, Bri. I’m trying to, I really am,” I trailed off. This time it was his turn to focus his eyes elsewhere. It hurt a bit less to hear something if you didn’t have to watch the other person say it.  
  
His voice came, defeated, “But?”  
  
“But just last night you _didn’t_ want this. You haven’t wanted it for three weeks and now suddenly you do? And I’m supposed to just blindly believe that you’re suddenly father of the year with unfaltering loyalty after not even a day’s thought?” I picked at my nails to avoid looking at him. Not that he was saying anything right now. I guess he was digesting what I’d just said.  
  
“But isn’t this what you want?” he questioned, eventually.  
  
“Is it what you want though?” I shot back. “I don’t want you half in, half out. I don’t want you here because you think that’s what I want, or because you feel obliged to be. I don’t want you to feel tied down and stuck with a life that you don’t want. I want you to know what you want.”  
  
“I… don’t know what I want,” he finally admitted, guiltily. “I want to want it. Sometimes I do want it, other times it scares the shit out of me and I can’t stop myself from running,” he finished.  
  
_At least he’s being honest, I guess, but it’s just not good enough…_  
  
“That’s exactly what I don’t need, Syn,” I replied. My voice was almost a whisper.  
  
It felt like an age had passed when I realised that we’d come to a halt, physically and in our relationship. We couldn’t move forward like this. It dawned on me that things might actually be over, romantically at least.  
  
“It’s okay to not want this,” my voice wobbled, “but we can’t come back from it. Our thing, whatever this was, will be over.”  
  
“I know,” he answered, dejectedly.  
  
We were silent for a minute, both absorbing the feeling the foundations of our relationship giving way, before he asked, “Will I get to meet him?”  
  
“Of course,” I nodded, as I blinked tears back.  
  
“Then maybe… maybe this is it,” he cast his eyes downward with a pained expression. “I love you, Aubrey.”  
  
“I love you, too.”  
  
We stood next to each other quietly, not daring to look at each other as though it wouldn’t be real if we didn’t. The morning traffic was picking up. All these people were passing us by, completely unaware that our world had just disintegrated.  
  
I turned his words over and over in my mind, trying to think of a way to undo everything, or a way to convince him to change his mind. To make him see how we could stay together; him, a doting father and I, an adoring mother, living in a cosy home with our tiny, perfect baby… But I couldn’t make him want that. It wasn’t him. He was wild and unpredictable, always craving adventure and excitement. He loved touring, partying, fucking in risky places, impulses, freedom and so many other things that I could no longer give him. I, we, didn’t fit into his life anymore and I understood that. As much as it felt like my heart was shattering, that I might just die from the aching loneliness, I knew I couldn’t make him live a life he didn’t want.  
  
“We should go back,” I croaked through my tears. He only nodded in affirmation.  
  
The walk back was tainted with the despondency that came with separation. With every step, the distance between us felt bigger and lonelier. By the time we reached the bus, it was like a chasm had opened up between us.  
  
“I’ll wait here,” he murmured, coming to a stop by the door. I gave a small nod to indicate I’d heard him and hauled myself up the steps.  
  
I could hear Matt calling out to the rest of Avenged, “Sound check in an hour, guys. Yo, where the fuck is Syn?”  
  
“He’s just outside,” I replied coolly, as I came into view of them.  
  
“You’re back!” exclaimed Jimmy, who didn’t appear to have moved all morning. “Well, thank fuck! Do you know how hard it was to orchestrate your reunion?”  
  
He began to grin but stopped short when he saw my expression. I reached for my bag that was next to him on the chair but he stuck his foot out, kicking it out of my reach.  
  
“Uh-uh,” he shook his head. “Tell me what happened.”  
  
“Why don’t you ask _him?_ ” I fed his own advice back to him, my tone a little harsher than I meant it to be. Jimmy raised an eyebrow. I ignored him and tried to reach past for my bag again.  
  
He grabbed my arm, “I’m asking _you._ ”  
  
“What’s going on?” Vengeance was sat across from us, wearing a concerned expression at the tension brewing in front of him.  
  
“Nothing is going on,” I replied, bitterly. Jimmy shot me a look and kicked my bag further away again. It was like someone had stoked the fire that was in my stomach again and I clenched my jaw, trying to keep my cool.  
  
“Stop fucking doing that, Jimmy,” I warned him, making another grab for my bag. He shifted his body over, blocking me from reaching it with a challenging look on his face. That was all I needed to see red and go completely ballistic. I let out a screech of rage as I launched myself at him in attack.  
  
**“YOU’RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, SULLIVAN. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU CAN BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING-”**  
  
Zacky grabbed me from behind, cutting off my tirade. I was well aware that I was an adult having a tantrum but I couldn’t stop myself. My screams dissolved into unintelligible noise and I flailed all my limbs trying to get out of his grip so I could land another fist on Jimmy. I wanted to hurt someone the way I was hurting inside, and I didn’t care who or how.  
  
I had a whole audience now, including Brian who was standing at the front of the bus looking on in horror. Zack was starting to lose his grip on me as I continued thrashing. Eventually, Matt stepped in, wrapping his strong arms around me tightly and carrying me to the back of the bus to let me work it out of my system. I’d dissolved into wailing by the time he’d set me down on the couch. My body heaved with huge gasps as I cried harder than ever before. The fog of grief enveloped me. Grief for my failed relationship, for the life I’d hoped for but would never have, for the loss of everything I’d known for the last year of my life.  
  
It took quite a while for my sobs to reduce to quiet sniffling. Matt stayed the whole time, even when the others shuffled off the bus awkwardly for their sound check. Eventually I had a the gall to look up at him.  
  
I began to speak shakily, “I’m so sorry-” but he cut me off.  
  
“Don’t apologise.”  
  
“Matt… I’m so ashamed that I acted that way. I don’t know what possessed me,” I said, looking back at the floor and grimacing. “God, I’ll never be able to look the Rev in the eye again.”  
  
“Jimmy is very forgiving. He’ll probably forget it pretty quickly,” he gave me a kind smile. He leaned back on the seat next to me and put his hands behind his head. “You know, my sister was crazy when she was pregnant too, and she had it easy. Married, baby planned, all that shit and she still fucking lost it and had bitch fits.”  
  
“Did she ever attack anyone though?” I replied, glumly, feeling humiliated.  
  
Shadows chuckled, “Well, no. Like I said though, you guys have a lot of shit going on.”  
  
There was a short pause. I sat myself up straight, feeling mostly sobered from my rage. “Brian doesn’t want me,” I announced, flatly, sniffing and wiping my tears.  
  
Matt nodded, “I gathered he’d done something stupid. He’ll come around.”  
  
“You should go, you’ll be late,” I gestured to the noise of the band beginning to drift from the venue. Matt nodded and stood. He turned to me with a serious look.  
  
“Don’t let him push you away, Aubrey. I know you two belong together, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now.” And with that, he left.  
  
  
  
I stayed on the bus as long as I dared, listening to the distant sounds coming from the venue. I knew though that I would have to leave before they came back. I couldn’t take seeing Jimmy again so soon and I definitely couldn’t take seeing Brian. I reluctantly stood and went to find my bag, triggering the memory of my kicking off at Jimmy. _Great, so that’s haunting me already._ Grabbing my rucksack, I took one last look around the bus and then I ran. I ran away from Syn and every problem that seemed to come with him, vowing that I wasn’t going to return any time soon. I couldn’t face another rejection.  
  
I walked and walked, the memory of his words hitting me with every step. I pounded my feet against the sidewalk, trying to relieve some of what I was feeling. Every ounce of sorrow, mourning, regret, rage, the feeling of rejection and betrayal; I slammed it into the ground with every fibre of my being. I only stopped when I noticed I was becoming light headed.  
  
Catching my breath, I looked around and I realised that I didn’t know where I was. Ironically, the unfamiliar surroundings provided a strange feeling of security and relief even though I was starting to feel disoriented. My head felt fuzzy like it was wrapped in cotton wool. I staggered a few feet and leaned against the nearest wall, trying to steady myself. I took deep breaths, trying to regain my senses but nothing was helping. My vision blurred as I felt a cold sweat prickle over my skin. I closed my eyes to try and stop the spinning and felt my knees give way as everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	8. 8

_Why am I looking at the sky?_  
My brain felt like it was buzzing gently as fingers crept around to feel their surroundings. I gathered that I was laying on the sidewalk but trying to think past that was impossible. I tried to piece together the events that had happened before I found myself here, but didn’t get very far before I was interrupted.  
  
“Welcome back,” a voice said warmly.  
  
“Brian?” I blinked groggily, looking around for him. An incredibly handsome face appeared above me.  
  
“Sorry, not Brian. How do you feel?” the young man asked, throwing me a sympathetic look.  
  
“Do I know you?” I thought out loud. He gave a small laugh.  
  
“No, you don’t. My name is Adam Grey and I’m actually a doctor. You picked a good person to hit the concrete in front of,” he gently teased. His warm air and confidence were comforting. I tried to sit up but he put a hand on my shoulder and gently pressed me back down.  
  
“Try to come around a bit first,” he suggested, lightly. “I don’t want you fainting on me again.”  
  
I relaxed back against the sidewalk and looked up at him, “I fainted?”  
  
“Yep, I saw you going and got to you just in time,” he explained, putting two fingers to my wrist. I pulled away from his touch.  
  
“That’s really not necessary,” I said, quickly, sitting up before he could stop me. My head started swimming again and I closed my eyes. His hand found my back and steadied me.  
  
“Take it easy,” I heard him say. “Have you eaten today?”  
  
“No, nothing,” I breathed, finally feeling able to focus my eyes. He handed a bottle of water to me and a banana. I looked from the objects in my hands, up to him, and back again.  
  
“They’re not poisonous, I swear,” he smiled, holding his hands up.  
  
“What am I supposed to do with them?” I asked, still not completely with it.  
  
“Eat and drink,” he urged. “Jeez, will you please let me help you?” He let out a heavenly laugh as I just blinked at him. “I promise you will feel better as soon as you’ve eaten.”  
  
After some hesitation, I complied. There wasn’t much else I could do. The attractive stranger sat next to me on the concrete, seemingly not worried about his appearance. As I ate, he filled the silence chatting about this and that. I’d normally hate small talk but right now I was grateful for the distraction. He asked where I was from, why I was here, when I was leaving. He didn’t seem to mind my rather vague answers and was easily directed towards less complicated topics like the weather. Once I’d finished eating, he helped me to my feet slowly.  
  
“So, think you can manage now?” He asked, making sure I was steady.  
  
I took a moment to assess and then nodded, “Yeah, I feel much better, thanks.”  
  
“Well, I’ll be on my way, then. I never got your name?” he asked, hesitantly.  
  
“It’s Aubrey,” I replied.  
  
“Aubrey,” he repeated quietly, letting a gorgeous smile play across his lips. There was an awkward pause between us for a moment before Impulsive Aubrey prodded me to take the next step.  
  
“Would you like my number as well?” I blurted out, my cheeks flushing at my boldness. He raised an eyebrow, playfully.  
  
“Sure,” he answered. He presented me with a pen and I scrawled it on the back of his hand.  
  
“Call me if you’re ever in Cali,” I smiled.  
  
“I will do. Hope our paths cross again soon, Aubrey.” He began stepping backwards away from me as he finished his sentence and then, with a small smile, turned and jogged off.  
  
  
  
I was left stunned in his absence, feeling very fazed. Did I just give my number out? _Hold up…_ I’ve been dumped, attacked a man, gotten lost, fainted and given out my number in a few short hours. _What the hell am I doing?_ Am I having a midlife crisis? Has pregnancy finally tipped me over the edge and left me deranged? Holy shit, am I... _unhinged?_ Sensible Aubrey was rolling about in agony at my rather questionable life choices over the last 24 hours.  
  
My phone buzzed in my pocket, interrupting my second freak out of the day. I checked it, surprised to find four messages awaiting me. I’d not even noticed them coming in. There were two from Brian and one from Jimmy. I didn’t really want to open any of them but Jimmy seemed likely to be the easiest pill to swallow so I reluctantly tapped it.  
  
_You hit well… for a girl. J._  
  
I re-read it a few times before deciding that it was most likely a jab in the vein of forgiveness. I breathed a sigh of relief. I still couldn’t look him in the eye any time soon, but I was glad to know that he hadn’t taken my meltdown to heart. I swallowed back my hesitation and replied.  
  
_Don’t get cocky, I went easy on you._  
  
I closed the message and looked at the list again. I decided against reading Brian’s messages. They would likely be soul destroying to read and I didn’t think I could take any more of that today. I didn’t recognise the fourth number but the message made my heart skip a beat.  
  
_Here’s my number, so now you can call me as well. Adam._  
  
Little butterflies fluttered in my stomach alongside the wriggling Baby Gates. _Baby Gates._ The thought sobered me from the excitement. Now was not really the time to attempt to hide from reality by throwing myself into a whirlwind romance. I scolded myself (much to Sensible Aubrey’s delight) and deleted Adam’s message without saving his number. He would likely forget all about me by the end of the day. Besides, I had more pressing things to think about, like how I was getting back home…  
  
***  
  
Unlocking my door, I felt welcomed into the familiarity of my apartment. Dropping my bag, I heaved a sigh and flopped myself down onto the couch. I could scarcely believe the events of the past 24 hours.  
  
My departure from Brian and, as an extension of him the rest of Avenged, had left me feeling very alone. Even the tiny feet and hands swishing about inside me didn’t soothe the ache of losing people I loved. I didn’t really have friends here, I’d always kept myself to myself. It was a wonder I’d ever met Avenged with the amount of time I spent in my home.  
  
I’d actually been a marine microbiologist before meeting Brian and had come to Huntington Beach to work with an ocean research team. We weren’t exactly a wild bunch that got up to hijinks together outside of the job. The one time we'd gone out for drinks to celebrate someone's birthday, I somehow ran into Brian.  
  
Of course, despite loving my job, I’d quit to go chasing a dream of freedom from responsibility. As a result, I was now pretty much alone, save for the little person I was carrying. There wasn’t much keeping me here in HB anymore. I thought about phoning my mother but she was never very interested in my life. It might just kill her off if I called her and mentioned that I was pregnant with no partner and no money. _No money. Fuck._ I needed to sort that little problem out. My savings had taken a hit in the past few weeks and there was a lot to buy for Baby Gates. _No, just Baby now._ There was no Gates on the scene... My mouth twisted a little but for once, no tears came. I was all cried out, for now at least. My phone chimed with a message. From Jimmy:  
  
_I let you win._  
  
I let out a small snort. I was about to reply but a second message came through and wiped the smile off my face.  
  
_Bri is heartbroken._  
  
I bristled as I read it. Oh, _he’s_ heartbroken? Must be _so_ hard rejecting your pregnant girlfriend. I scowled and tossed my phone down. I didn’t know how to reply without doing damage, so I chose to keep my feelings to myself. I still hadn’t read Brian’s messages. I received two more whilst I’d been travelling, making a total of 4. He’s probably just trying to soothe his conscience by justifying our split, but I wasn’t going to pat him on the shoulder. That’s what his band mates were there for. I had someone else to be responsible for, a baby who would soon require my undivided attention. I needed to be free of the uncertainty that Brian wrapped himself in if I wanted to stay sane for the foreseeable future.  
  
My heart sank as I made a decision I never thought I would have to make. If I kept in contact with Avenged, there was no way I’d be able to get on with my life. I was going to have to have a clean break from all of them. I didn’t want to cut them off, they’d been my best friends for the past year, but how could I heal if I let Brian constantly reopen the wound? We’d made our decision to part ways and I didn’t need him coming and going, trying to change my mind only to back out again.  
  
I picked up my phone again and selected all their numbers. My finger hovered for a moment in hesitation before I willed myself to tap the red icon in the corner of the screen. The numbers disappeared. Just like that, I deleted them from my contact list. If only I could delete them from my mind. Especially Brian. Stupid Brian with his complete hold over me, despite his inability to commit in any shape or form. I launched my phone at the wall as a burst of angry noise escaped my mouth.  
  
Baby Ga- No, _Baby_ wriggled in what felt like protest. I patted my bump in apology and let my head rest against the back of the sofa with a groan. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff with it crumbling beneath my feet; I knew that before long, I was in for a fall that was going to hurt like fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	9. 9

I hauled myself up the steps to my apartment, weighed down by a million bags. I’d nearly collapsed by the time I got to the door. Pressing my key into the lock, I paused for a moment to try and catch my breath. Pregnancy was catching up with me.  
  
I burst through the door, bump first, followed by my assortment of bags and set them down on the nearest available surface. It was difficult to find one anymore. Heaving a sigh of relief, I rubbed my reddened arms. I glanced around my apartment with a feeling of impending doom. It was getting difficult to walk with the amount of stuff hanging around.  
  
After the Brian saga, I’d thrown myself into preparing for the baby. Shopping trip after shopping trip ensued until my apartment was full – unlike my bank account which was looking very sorry for itself. I still had things to buy, not to mention things like the cot that needed putting together. Where it was all going to go? I let out an exasperated moan. My due date was tiptoeing closer and I felt nowhere near ready and, frankly, extremely overwhelmed.  
  
I’d not spoken to Brian, or any of Avenged for that matter, since I’d come home. With every passing day, I felt more distance and yet, I also felt a growing longing for him. I wished he was around to share the smiles and tears, the worries, the appointments, the sleepless nights, the 2am walks to get pickles.  
  
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t finally enjoying my pregnancy, I was even looking forward to having Baby in my arms; but I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting him here with me. It had now been two long months and I was about to enter my seventh month of pregnancy, feeling more alone than ever. I’d made a few acquaintances at various pregnancy classes but not really clicked with anyone. No friends, no family, no lover. Doomed to be alone forever.  
  
_Oh snap out of it, Aubrey. How dramatic can you get?_ I rolled my eyes at myself and rallied around to attempt to find somewhere to put the day’s purchases. Just as I was trying to squeeze another pack of diapers into the back of the closet, my phone rang, giving me a start. I didn’t recognise the number. _Brian?_  
  
“Hello?” I answered, breathlessly, hopefully.  
  
“Aubrey! Hi, it’s Adam,” came the voice on the other end.  
  
“Oh, hey,” I stuttered, slightly taken aback. I’d forgotten about him if I was honest, but it wasn’t awful to hear his voice.  
  
“So,” he paused for a moment, “I’m in California for a conference this weekend. I was thinking you could show me around Huntington Beach, maybe we could grab something to eat together?”  
  
I considered his proposal carefully. It felt almost like a betrayal to Brian… but then, Brian wasn’t here. Brian hadn't been here for two whole months. Perhaps Adam would provide a much needed distraction.  
  
I decided to take the plunge, “Sure, just give me a day and time.”  
  
“How does 3pm on Saturday sound?”  
  
“Perfect,” I answered, and gave him my address. We exchanged goodbyes and I hung up.  
  
Part of me felt like I was doing something terrible akin to cheating, but another part of me felt relieved. It felt like a step forward from constantly mourning my previous relationship. Questions began bouncing around in my head. _What do pregnant people wear? Where do I take him? Do I invite him into my apartment?_ I looked around at the piles of baby stuff. _That’s a hard no._ The poor guy doesn’t even know I’m pregnant. He would probably run a mile the second I opened the door…  
  
I kept myself busy until Saturday rolled around. I’d not exactly been short of things to do. I’d spent the last four days working hard to make the apartment tidy and finally felt like I was starting to win the battle. I could now sit on the sofa and watch TV without having to strain to see around bags and boxes. I’d tidied myself up too. It had been a while since I’d bothered with maintenance like shaving and nail painting. It was refreshing to gussy myself up for someone and by the time Adam was due to arrive, I was feeling somewhat attractive again. There was one teeny, tiny sticking point of course – the rounded baby bump. It was difficult to miss and certainly impossible to hide. I’d no idea how he would react but after Brian, I was feeling fairly hardened to rejection. I could take whatever he threw at me. A knock resonated around my apartment. My stomach plummeted. What was I thinking?! I can’t take rejection! _If I’m quiet, maybe he’ll go away…_  
  
“Aubrey? It’s Adam,” he called through the door. I had a quick battle with myself, resulting in me berating myself. _Stop hiding, you massive loser,_ Impulsive Aubrey scolded me. So, I found myself nervously chewing the inside of my cheek as I walked to the door. My hand rested on the handle for a moment as I worked myself up to open it.  
  
“Hey,” I said coolly, as I swung the door open. I saw his eyes quickly sweep down, widen and come back up again. It was a flicker, but I caught it. He was silent for a moment. I knew exactly what was coming.  
  
“So how’s life?” he asked, casually. _Huh, maybe I didn’t know what was coming._ I opened my mouth and closed it a couple of times, looking like a goddamn goldfish. I finally found my voice.  
  
“Busy. Cramped. Lots going on,” I replied, somewhat sheepishly.  
  
“I can see,” he trailed off. I was always terrible at reading people and he was no different, I had no idea what he was thinking but I could guess. I’d better do the kind thing and give him an escape route.  
  
“We don’t have to do this-”  
  
“No! God, no. I’m still happy to, I was just… processing,” he interrupted me and gave a goofy grin.  
  
I smiled back at him, pleasantly surprised, “uh, great, so is there anywhere you want to go?”  
  
“I’m at your mercy,” he answered, his eyes twinkling.  
  
  
  
We held our shoes in hand as we paddled along the shore, conversation flowing easily between us. He’d inevitably asked about the pregnancy before we’d even reached the beach and I’d skirted around it neatly. Adam didn’t need to know the details and besides, I didn’t want to think about Brian right now. I was actually sort of enjoying myself for the first time in a while and I didn’t want him to drag me down. We’d simply carried on chatting effortlessly. I appreciated the light and positive conversation, it took some of the edge off of the serious ones that were still hanging around in my mind from Illinois. Eventually we stopped to get ice cream.  
  
“So what’s your plan?” he asked, taking a lick. We sat on the sand, watching the ocean wash in and out. I wiggled my toes in the sand as Baby did some crazy somersaults to match the waves.  
  
“What do you mean?” I questioned, tilting my head.  
  
“Well, that apartment is hardly big enough for a baby. They don’t stay small for long,” he answered.  
  
“You’re right,” I concurred, thoughtfully. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”  
  
“Better start soon,” he said, with a wink. I hummed in reply and turned back to the ocean.  
  
“I didn’t mean to offend,” he started. I cut him off with a wave.  
  
“It’s fine. I probably should be more prepared,” I mused. “Anyway, how about you?”  
  
“Me?”  
  
“Yeah, you know. What about your plans?” I pressed, nibbling my cone. He looked at me, an odd expression on his face.  
  
“Actually, I’ve been offered a job here,” he answered, casually. I nearly chocked.  
  
“What?” I sputtered. “Here? In Huntington Beach?”  
  
“Yep,” he affirmed, finishing his ice cream. “That’s why I was keen for a tour.”  
  
“Right,” I answered, recovering from the shock. “And are you taking it?”  
  
“Definitely. I can finally move into pediatrics and it’s a huge pay rise,” he nodded then waggled his eyebrows, making my heart skip a beat. “We could be neighbors.”  
  
I laughed nervously. I’d expected this to be a one-off meeting, I’d not planned for potentially seeing him regularly. Maybe it could be a good thing though…  
  
  
  
The time came for us to part ways. Adam walked me back to my apartment and pulled me into an embrace at the door. He leaned back, keeping his hands on my arms, and studied me.  
  
“You’re really quite beautiful, you know,” he murmured. I let out a nervous giggle.  
  
“Thank you,” I blushed, “You’re not so bad yourself.”  
  
He looked down at the floor for a moment, as if trying to find his words. When he gazed up at me again, his hazel eyes melted my insides. “When I transfer here, I’d like to see you again,” he stroked a hand down my cheek, making me swoon. How I wasn’t a puddle on the floor at this point, I wasn’t sure.  
  
“I’d like that,” I replied, smiling shyly. “And you don’t mind this?” I gestured to my bump. He silently shook his head.  
  
“I take life as it comes,” he answered in a soft voice, leaning in to kiss me. I’d been a little hung up on the idea of this all day, but to my surprise I leaned in eagerly without any hesitation.  
  
The kiss was short but very sweet, leaving me wanting more. I sighed deeply and opened my eyes to his striking gaze.  
  
“Goodbye, Aubrey,” he said, delicately. I waved, still completely speechless from the kiss. As he walked away, I unlocked my door and stepped into my apartment.  
  
As soon as it was closed, I slid down onto the arm of the sofa and then fell back into it, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I felt my phone dig into my back. I’d been so nervous earlier that I’d completely forgotten to take it with me. I let the screen light up and was met with a message notification. It was an unrecognised number, but I my heart pounded as I instinctively knew who it was from. My whole world came to a halt as I read it…  
  
_I miss you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	10. 10

I sat on my balcony soaking up the warm evening sun. This place had been so devoted to nicotine consumption in the past that I’d forgotten what it was like to just sit here and listen to the waves.  
  
I had reread Brian’s message a thousand times unsure of whether I loved it or hated it. I’d had a quick glimpse of peace from the inner turmoil today and I didn’t want to give it up; yet here I was, fixated on those three words from someone whose existence I was trying to forget. How dare he waltz back into my life so carelessly? I wanted so badly to hate him for it, but I couldn’t pretend that I hadn’t been bubbling since reading the message.  
  
Then there was Adam, though. He was the safe, secure option; good looking, easy-going, level headed and apparently even happy to take on a baby. Miracles _do_ exist. What would life be with him? A hard working husband, white picket fences, maybe a family pet – the American Dream. Perfect for some, but was that what I wanted? Not so long ago, I’d loved the freedom and hijinks of touring. Life had been unpredictable and exhaustingly exciting. Brian had been a wild ride, a rollercoaster that I could never get bored of. He’d also broken my heart into a million pieces though and that still stung.  
  
I rubbed my temple in exasperation, feeling completely torn between developing a relationship with Adam and potentially rekindling one with Brian. _Who said I couldn’t do both?_  
Sensible Aubrey scolded me and reminded me that I was settled in pursuing things with Adam. I wasn’t going to let Brian stroll back in and wander off with my heart. No way. I was just going to ignore his message and get on with my life and-  
_Aubrey, no!_  
Oops – I replied while she was distracted. _Sorry, Sensible Aubrey… I couldn’t help myself._ Brian had done what he always did best – I was intoxicated and had lost the ability to control myself after just one message.  
  
_Long time, no speak. How’re things?_  
  
I sent the text, immediately feeling nervous, excited and terrified all at once. I needn’t have gotten so unsettled though as no reply came. By the time I’d showered the day from my skin and settled myself in bed, I’d come to realise that both of our messages were probably the result of impulse and Brian seemed to have no intention of following up. It had left me uneasy though, I wasn’t comfortable with all these feelings being stirred up again. I was in for a restless night.  
  
…………  
  
“I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s been declined,” the cashier said, awkwardly. I ran a hand through my hair, nervously and peered at the receipt she’d handed me. I was standing at the till, sweating like fuck after lugging my fat ass around the shop.  
  
“Can you try it again?” I asked, feeling rather flustered. She gave me a sympathetic look and tried swiping my card again, though we both knew what the outcome would be.  
  
“It’s been declined again,” she spoke softly, but it didn’t stop the heat from rising to my cheeks.  
  
“I don’t have anything else to pay with…” I replied quietly, trying to hide from the burning stares coming from the next customer in line.  
  
“I’ll call someone to put this back for you,” she smiled sympathetically as my cheeks blazed.  
  
I nodded my thanks and then ducked out, heading home empty handed. Perhaps something was wrong with my card? I checked my bank balance hopefully, but was met with an unwelcome sight of a couple of dollars. _Fuck._ I have rent to pay, bills to go out, not to mention my fridge is bare and I have no money.  
  
I began the walk back to my apartment, feeling drearier than ever. I’d had no luck in finding a job and now it was starting to hit home just how much of a shitshow I was starring in. I didn’t even know where to start with this mess. Turning my key in the lock, I swung the door open on my home. It wouldn’t be my home for much longer if I couldn’t find some cash, and quickly.  
  
Closing the door behind me, I made a list of people I could call. I could only think of three people, and after some deliberation I decided that there was no way I could ask Brian and definitely not Adam. That left my mother. _Ugh._ Maybe not, I’d rather starve.  
  
How had I gone from a powerful woman who was respected in my field of work to a single, pregnant loser without two cents to rub together? _That’s what happens when you blindly follow a rock star,_ Sensible Aubrey chided. What a bitch.  
  
I was starving, as I always was lately, and so I reluctantly opened the fridge to inspect the contents. Pickings were slim. I was the owner of a single tomato, quarter of a block cheese that was hosting a colony of happy bacteria and a small amount of sour milk. My cupboards didn’t fare much better. I took a couple of slices of bread from the packet and got to work picking the bluey-green spots off of it. I was deep into trying to work out a plan of action when a loud knock at the door stole my attention. I looked up guardedly, I wasn’t expecting anyone. I opened the door with little trepidation. I would have been far more tentative had I realised who was on the other side. My jaw dropped.  
  
“Brian?” I blinked a few times, stunned. He did the same as he took in my rounded tummy. We both stood there like lemons. I studied his appearance. He was handsome as ever, but also looked like absolute shit. Unshaven, red rimmed eyes with dark circles underneath and his hair straggly and unbrushed. “Aren’t you supposed to be on tour?” I finally managed.  
  
“We’re on a break,” he explained, hurriedly.  
  
“Oh,” was all I could manage.  
  
There was another deafening patch of quiet between us. Am I dreaming? I squeezed my eyes closed tightly for a second, but he was still there when I opened them.  
  
“Can I come in?” he asked, eventually. Without wavering, I held the door open a little wider to let him past. He entered slowly, taking in the surroundings. It looked quite a bit different than when he was last here. Various baby items were scattered around, in a mostly orderly fashion. I thanked God that I’d tidied fairly recently. He walked comfortably into the kitchen area and leaned against the counter, making himself at home. Even in his slightly disheveled state he made me swoon a little. I closed the door and made to join him.  
  
After peering at the sterilizer and highchair, his eyes flickered to my plate on the table in front of him and his face twisted into a bewildered expression.  
  
“Are you picking mold off of your bread?” he asked, amused. I quickly snatched it up and swiped the bread into the trash as my cheeks turned pink.  
  
“Is that what you came here to ask?” I retorted, launching the plate into the sink.  
  
He face dropped and he became serious, “No. I came here to sort things out between us.”  
  
_Oh… OH! Wait. What does that even mean?! Crap!_  
  
“K, can you give me a minute?” I garbled, not waiting for permission. I scarpered for the bathroom and locked the door behind me.  
  
_Holy fuck._ Brian is in my kitchen. Brian, who I haven’t seen for months. Brian, who broke my heart but I secretly still love him hopelessly anyway. Brian, who wants to ‘sort things out’. _Shit._ I’m going to start hyperventilating in a minute.  
  
“Aubrey! Come out,” he yelled through the door. My God, could this man just let me have 5 minutes by myself to come unglued?  
  
“I know you’re just having a freak out in there,” he persisted, making me grumble. Dammit. How does he know me so well? I could envision him rolling his eyes on the other side of the door. I yanked it open to find him with his arms folded, looking serious. My heart fluttered. _Oh lord, he’s gorgeous._  
  
“How did you know I was freaking out?” I squinted my eyes at him.  
  
He ignored me and pressed on, “Can we talk?”  
  
“Yep, yeah, okay, fine,” I relented. I followed him back to the kitchen and we sat across from each other at the table. I waited for him to start. He was pretty quiet considering it was his idea to talk. Eventually he stopped fidgeting.  
  
“So how are you?” he asked, awkwardly.  
  
“Uh, I’m-“  
  
“You’re big,” he interrupted.  
  
“Thank you for pointing that out, Brian. I hadn’t noticed,” I quipped back, raising an eyebrow. His demeanour had changed back to that of an anxious man, his confidence lost.  
  
“I wanted to… Can we…” he started and stopped a few times. I waited patiently as he fumbled with his words. Eventually he went back to his original question.  
  
“So you’re okay?” he finally said, fidgeting a little. I could tell he was trying desperately to appear calm. He wasn’t doing a very good job.  
  
“Are you going to interrupt me this time?” I asked, playfully, trying to relax the situation. He only grinned sheepishly. Things felt a little awkward between us. I suppose that’s what happens when you have a few fights and then ignore each other for a couple of months…  
  
“Things are ok. He’s the size of a squash now, apparently,” I rubbed my bump, unsure of what else to say. Brian’s eyes lit up, catching me off guard.  
  
“Is he?” he replied, excitedly.  
  
I was taken aback for a moment, but his sudden joy infected me and I launched into a blow by blow account of all the fun pregnancy things he’d missed. I even made a half joke about my card being declined due to buying so much baby stuff.  
  
As I finished, I realised I’d basically talked about pickles, insomnia and peeing for the last 10 minutes. I blushed at my diatribe about my uninteresting life, but he seemed enthralled by the whole thing. His eagerness had struck a weird chord in me, it felt oddly heart-warming that we were talking about our baby in a joyful way. The feeling sat weirdly in my stomach so I changed the subject.  
  
“So,” I switched the spotlight to him, “how’s tour?”  
  
“It’s fun, I guess,” he replied, not really giving any information away. I tried another avenue.  
  
“Been breaking hearts with your solos?” I asked, poking my tongue out. He gave a small laugh. _Damn, this is difficult._ I tried once more, “So… you think you’ll be home in time for baby?”  
  
Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say because his emotions closed off as quickly as they had opened up. He stood suddenly, giving me a start.  
  
“I have to go,” he announced uncomfortably as he started edging away. I stared dumbly at him, unsure of what to do or say. His swift move towards leaving had left me confused.  
  
“Already?” I managed to utter. He nodded and made for the door.  
  
He opened it and turned to me, “Well, bye then.”  
  
I managed to utter a goodbye as the door slammed behind him.  
  
_What just happened?_ I was completely lost, still staring at the door with my mouth open. Why had he done that? Why had he just flounced in, stolen my heart again and then lobbed it like it was a live grenade and run for cover? Is this a man thing? Or maybe it’s a Brian thing?  
  
As the shock dissipated, anger creeped in. I can’t believe I let him in. I was setting myself up for a hard fall again if I wasn’t careful. I escaped the only way that seemed suitable – Brian replacement. I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I was angry and felt stupid that I’d let Brian break my defences down for a moment. He’d come close to cracking my heart again and I needed romantic validation. I needed to make sure that it was _him_ , not _me_ that was broken. So I texted Adam. Don't judge me.  
  
_I had a great time. When can I see you again? A x_  
  
My phone buzzed almost instantly.  
  
_I’m in HB for the rest of the weekend. Dinner tonight? Adam._  
  
I sighed in relief, I can’t be _that_ bad if he’s willing to see me again. So, I replied. I replied for my ego, I replied to spite Brian and I replied to escape the way that he had made me feel.  
  
_Absolutely. I can’t wait. A x_  
  
I tapped out the message and sent back. I was going to continue with my life and no one was going to hold me back. Fuck you, Brian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	11. 11

A knock at my door signalled Adam’s arrival. I was kind of hoping I’d have heard from Brian by now, even though I was angry at him for skipping out. I was less furious than I was last time - I guess I was growing accustomed to his disappearing act.  
  
I opened the door and welcomed Adam in. He greeted me with a sweet peck then gave me the once over.  
  
“Looking gorgeous, as always,” he grinned as he watched me go to the mirror to put earrings in. He was looking pretty good too, his white shirt open at the neck showing just a hint of his toned chest.  
  
“So what are we having?” I asked flirtily, watching his reflection.  
  
“How does Italian sound?”  
  
“Bellissimo,” I teased. He approached from behind and slid his arms around me.  
  
“I know something else that is bellissimo,” he said, eyeing our reflection in the mirror. I gave him a shy smile and he nuzzled into my neck, kissing me. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine our future, to see if I could really do this with Adam. The feeling was nice, but nothing like the fireworks and butterflies and electricity that came with Bri- _Stop it Aubrey, don’t say the B word,_ Sensible Aubrey warned. A sudden frenzied banging at the door made my eyes snap open.  
  
“Are you expecting someone?” Adam looked confused.  
  
I shook my head, “No… I-”  
  
I was cut off by more urgent knocking. “Aubrey?” Brian’s voice called through the door. My eyes widened.  
  
“Who’s that?” Adam asked, catching my look. I swallowed, feeling panicky. I hadn’t really wanted these two paths to cross just yet; I was still trying to navigate each one and now they were heading for a disastrous crash and I would have to be the one to try and salvage my dignity from the wreckage. _This is what you get for playing with fire, Aubrey._  
  
“Do you want me to ask him to go away?” Adam persisted as the knocking started up again.  
  
I shook my head frantically. I was going to keep them separate if I could. I’ll just talk to him quietly in the hall, tell him it’s not a good time and send him away. _Yep, that’s a good plan. Just bury your head in the sand._ Sensible Aubrey was sneering at me. Fuck, sensible Aubrey, I’m going to make it work. Fate actually had other plans though, because Brian practically burst into the apartment as I opened the door.  
  
“Aubrey,” he began as he put his hands on my arms, “Aubrey, I was a total tool earlier. I’m so sorry,” he rushed his words.  
  
“Brian, it’s fine, honestly. Can you please stop turning up unannounced though? A phone call would have been nice. Let’s go out into-”  
  
“Who’s this?” he interrupted, flatly, finally noticing Adam. He looked back and forth between us, taking in our dressed up appearance. I could see the cogs turning in his head as he put two and two together. “I can see I’m interrupting,” he snarled, pushing me away and storming out into the stairwell. I ran after him, grabbing his arm. He pulled it away harshly and turned to me.  
  
“Are you serious, Aubrey? Shacking up with someone when you’re pregnant? Jesus Christ. What about me?” he hissed. I went very quickly from damage control mode to utter fury.  
  
“What?!” I exploded. “What do you mean ‘what about you’? What about me?! Am I supposed to be alone forever because you can’t make up your fucking mind?”  
  
“Forever?” he retorted with a spiteful laugh, “It’s been _two fucking months_ , Aubrey.”  
  
“Yes, Brian! Two months of doing this huge thing BY MYSELF, because YOU didn’t want to commit!” I yelled back with all I had.  
  
“Huge thing? Shopping at 3am for pickles is huge?” he scoffed at me.  
  
“Oh, you are _such_ a jackass it’s unbelievable,” I rolled my eyes. “I can’t believe I ever wanted you to come back.”  
  
“Yeah, I can’t believe it either, especially as you’ve already got a boyfriend in there,” he glared at Adam through the half-open door.  
  
“You mean the guy who’s taking care of the pregnant girlfriend that you were hiding from? Adam is a good guy,” I snapped back.  
  
Brian’s eyes were fiery. “Have you fucked him?” he demanded, his face scrunched up in disgust.  
  
“What?” I asked, in disbelief.  
  
“I said have you fucked him?” he repeated slowly, spitting the words at me. My fists were clenched so tightly that my nails were threating to tear the skin of my palms. I breathed out and relaxed them.  
  
“No, I haven’t.” I answered, quietly. A flash of relief crossed his face, but he didn’t give up the fight. I knew he was too stubborn for that.  
  
“Shocking,” he quipped, raising his eyebrows at me.  
  
“Why are you like this?” I asked, dropping my eyes to the floor. “All I wanted was for you to be there for me.”  
  
“Well, clearly you had no trouble finding a replacement for me after _2 months._ ”  
  
“I wouldn’t have had to if you’d been there from the start, you fucking asshole,” I shot back, with venom.  
  
“I needed time to think,” he shouted, red in the face.  
  
“And I needed support!” my voice cracked as the tears started rolling. “If you’d have been here at all, you’d know that I’ve got no goddamn food in my fridge, no money to pay my rent and I’m absolutely fucking terrified of being alone with a tiny baby. A baby that you can’t even cope with the thought of…” I trailed off as I dissolved into crying.  
  
Brian stood, open mouthed, clearly trying to figure out what to do next. He opted for pulling me into a tight embrace. I tried desperately to squirm out of it.  
  
“Don’t touch me... I don’t... want you fucking... touching me.” I wanted to scream it at him but my energy was spent, so I settled for gasping it in between sobs.  
  
He didn’t let go though, he held me tighter and just murmured “I’m sorry” over and over into my hair. We stayed that way for several minutes until I’d calmed enough to speak. I looked up at him to find tears in his eyes. He loosened his grip but I didn’t step away. I didn’t want him to let go of me.  
  
“What are we doing, Brian?” I asked, sadly. He looked at me, defeated.  
  
“I want you, Aubrey,” he murmured, dropping his head to mine. “I want you, I want Baby Gates, I want us as a family. That’s all I came to say.”  
  
“Bri,” I began, but he shook his head and stepped back.  
  
He flashed me a sad look and then turned away and disappeared down the steps. I watched him go with a lump in my throat. I don’t know how things got this way. We’d been so happy. We’d gotten in our little relationship boat together and we’d weathered the storms with ease and laughed in the face of rapids. Now it felt more like we were on a sinking ship. Brian had taken off in the life boat and I was left drowning.  
  
I stared at the stairwell, hoping he’d come back but after 10 minutes, I figured he was gone. My lips pulled downwards and I fought the urge to cry again as a noise from my apartment jolted me back to reality. Oh, fuck. _Adam._ I’d forgotten he was in there. As much as I didn’t want to go in and face him, I couldn’t avoid it. I heaved a sigh and made for the door.  
  
“I made coffee,” he said quietly, as I came through the door. “I thought you might need it.”  
  
“Thanks,” I replied, glumly, taking the mug from his outstretched hand.  
  
“Are you ok?” he asked, taking a sip from his own mug.  
  
“I’m fine,” I shrugged, then sighed. “I’m _not_ fine, I’m a mess. I’m sorry you had to see all that. We’d better call off dinner tonight.”  
  
“I think we’d better call off everything,” he looked at me, a sad smile on his face.  
  
I looked at my coffee to avoid his gaze, “Why?”  
  
“I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. I really like you, Aubrey, so much, but I can see that Brian loves you. More importantly, I can tell that you love him. It wouldn’t be right for me to put myself between you. Things might not be working out for you two right now, but I don’t want to be in the way when you come back together, which you will,” he finished, his voice solemn yet understanding.  
  
I didn’t know what to say to that. I swirled my coffee, like I might find answers in there. “I _did_ like you,” I said, pathetically.  
  
“I know, but you owe it to yourself to not settle for liking someone when you could be loving someone,” he replied, “and you and I both know that Brian is that someone. I’m not going to try and insert myself into his role.”  
  
_Fuck’s sake. Why is he so nice?_ “I wish you weren’t such a good guy, maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a bitch right now,” I said, trying to make my voice light and jokey, even though I felt far from it.  
  
He gave a small smile and drank the last of his coffee. “Things were good for us, let’s get out of it before it goes sour,” he shrugged.  
  
“I’m sorry it’s gone this way,” I apologised. He stroked my hair softly as he made to leave.  
  
“Me too,” he replied, sincerely. I walked him to the door, and hesitated before opening it.  
  
“Thank you, Adam.” I gave him a peck on the cheek. He nodded at me and sighed.  
  
“Thank _you_ , Aubrey. It’s been a brief, but crazy, pleasure,” he replied as he opened the door and took a step. His body stiffened for a fraction of a second as he looked down the hall but he regained his composure quickly and resumed walking out.  
  
I slid around the door to watch him go and my heart stopped. I could see why he’d reacted the way he did. Brian was standing at the top of the stairwell, a pained expression on his face. Adam strode towards him confidently. _Oh God, he’s going to hit him or something._ He approached Brian sternly and I winced, but instead of raising a fist, he held his hand out.  
  
“She’s all yours,” he declared, hand outstretched towards Brian. Brian’s eyes flickered down at his hand and back up again. His expression never changed as he took Adam’s hand and shook it. I looked on as Adam gave him a nod and then started down the stairs without looking back. His footfalls fade into the distance as I watched Brian, who shuffled awkwardly on the spot and then looked to me. A moment of silence went by, but instead of the tension we’d become so used to lately, it was a comfortable silence.  
  
“Well,” I breathed, “are you coming in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	12. 12

“Well, are you coming in?”  
  
“Do you want me to?” he asked. I nodded meekly and held the door open for him.  
  
He walked in and surveyed the lounge. It was packed from floor to ceiling. Baby furniture, toys, diapers and tiny clothes filled every available space. I joined him in taking it in.  
  
“I’ve kind of run out of space,” I joked.  
  
“No kidding,” he let out a half laugh. He was quiet; obviously something was on his mind. It made me a little uneasy. We wanted to rush together, go back to how we used to be, but a lot had happened. I busied myself making coffee for the two of us instead.  
  
“Aub?” he called, just as I finished. I hummed in response as I held a coffee out to him. “What happened with Adam?”  
  
The mug I was about to pass him slipped out of my hand. It shattered, sending coffee running across the floor. “Shit!” I cursed, hoping Brian thought I was panicking at the coffee situation rather than the Adam question. I rushed to dig a towel out of the drawer and knelt down, mopping at the floor harder than was necessary. I could feel his eyes on me as I worked furiously.  
  
“Aubrey?” he asked, trying to coax me out of my cleaning frenzy. I stopped my arms but kept my eyes to the lake of coffee on my floor.  
  
“Why do you want to know about him, Brian?” I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I’d known it was inevitable that this would come up at some point, but that didn’t make it any easier.  
  
“I need to know before this goes anywhere.”  
  
“What difference will it make?” I asked, a pleading note in my voice.  
  
“Did something happen? Have you slept with him?” he persisted. He was walking a very thin line.  
  
“For Christ’s sake, Brian,” I said exasperatedly, throwing the towel down.  
  
“That’s not an answer,” he replied, bluntly.  
  
“We didn’t sleep together, I already told you that,” I retorted, hoping he wouldn’t press the idea. He had other ideas though, as he steam-rollered on with his interrogation.  
  
“Did anything else happen?” he clipped, his voice taking on an impatient tone.  
  
This was clearly going to be a fight before long. Hell, I _wanted_ a fight at this point, he really knew how to press my buttons and I was so easy to rile up at the moment. I stood up and got right in his face.  
  
“You want to know, Brian? We fucking kissed, okay?” I hissed, furious. “We kissed, and I liked it.”  
  
I could tell the last bit had stung him from the pained look on his face. “You kissed him?” he said slowly, trying to process it.  
  
“What? Are you going to use this as another excuse to bolt?” I scathed. _Yikes, Aubrey, harsh._ We clearly we had a lot to work through.  
  
He covered his face with his hands, “And tonight, what were you doing?” He just couldn’t stop himself. He was insistent on torturing both of us with this.  
  
“He was taking me to dinner, Brian. Any objections?” I shot at him.  
  
“Wining and dining you before having his way,” he looked up and raised an eyebrow.  
  
My eyes widened in disbelief. “I’m not having this conversation anymore.” I turned away, not wanting to say something I’d regret.  
  
“You moved on without me,” he accused, pulling my arm to turn me back to him again.  
  
“You left me, Brian!” I spat, but then my voice softened. “I was so lonely here. I needed someone. I needed you…” I trailed off.  
  
“Why didn’t you call me?” he asked in a small voice.  
  
“Call you? So you could freak out and disappear again? So you could break up with me again? You were so busy worrying about what _might_ happen in 6 months time that you couldn’t see what you were actually doing right there in the present. Which was running away from everything.” I narrowed my eyes, waiting for an answer.  
  
He fidgeted for a moment. “Aubrey, I don’t have a good excuse for that. I was scared and my defense mechanism was to run,” He replied, casting his eyes downwards.  
  
I scoffed, “Alright for some. You were allowed to escape and I was left behind with all that you couldn’t face up to with me. I got left in the fucking dust.”  
  
“Where you wasted no time jumping on Adam,” he quipped back at me.  
  
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Before I could stop myself, my arm had wound itself back and then flown forwards. My palm connected with his cheek, making a satisfying cracking sound ring out around the apartment. We stood in a stunned silence, his hand softly touching where my slap had landed. My brain was overflowing with a mix of crazy emotions as I searched for something to say. I drew a blank. Brian did as well, apparently, because he was equally mute. I forced my brain to kick into gear again and managed to utter out a few words.  
  
“You can have the couch.” I bristled as I turned on my heel and stalked to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. _Here come the oh-so-predictable tears._ I replaced my clothes with a tank top and panties, threw myself down on the bed and buried my head in my arms. I was on a carousel of guilt, fury and anguish and I couldn’t get off. I closed my eyes in a feeble attempt to shut everything off and eventually cried myself into a restless sleep.  
  
I awoke to the sun flooding in through my window. I grumbled as I shielded my sore eyes. In my haste to escape the waking world, I’d forgotten to close the damn blind. I rolled onto my other side to escape the burning rays. Brian had played on my mind all night and, unsurprisingly, was the first thing on my mind now that I’d woken.  
  
I sat up groggily and instantly felt an urgency to pee. _Fuck’s sake._ I didn’t want to leave the bedroom and come face to face with him. I shuffled awkwardly on the spot for a couple of minutes until I knew my bladder wouldn’t hold any longer, especially with Baby using it as a squeeze toy. I ripped the door open and sprinted to the bathroom, partially from fear of wetting myself and partially in an attempt to avoid Brian.  
  
It turns out I needn’t have worried so much about seeing him because as I relieved myself, I heard my apartment door slam. Once I was done, I gingerly ventured out to the lounge. Sure enough, Brian and all his possessions had, once again, done a disappearing act. It didn’t really come as a surprise that, despite my anger the night before, I was now devastated that our argument had driven him away. My heart sank as I admitted to myself that I wasn’t ready to let go of him. Even though all we ever did was fight anymore, we only did it because we cared so deeply for each other, right?  
  
I rushed out hoping to catch him, but the stairwell was empty. I let out a sigh of defeat. He was gone again and I didn’t know if he was coming back at all this time. I turned back to my apartment, ready to hide away from the world for a few days.  
  
_Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me._  
  
The door had closed behind me and my key was on the other side. I hammered on it, kicked it, swore at it and pleaded with it but it didn’t relent and stayed locked. Turning my back on it, I let out a frustrated growl. I was stuck out in the hallway, barely dressed. It wasn’t even 10am. Could this day get any worse?  
  
I leaned back against the door and slid down onto my haunches. Fate clearly hates me. I threw my head back and closed my eyes with a groan. All it’s done lately is drop bombs on me and I’m tired of dodging the explosions. Pregnancy out of the blue, Brian dancing in and out of my life, Adam’s brief appearance and sudden departure. It all sucked. Every last bit. Where the fuck am I meant to go from here? Am I going to have to prepare myself for being alone again? I began gently banging my head against the door as I softly cursed “fuck,” in time with the knocks.  
  
“Have you finally lost it?” came a voice from in front of me. I opened my eyes to Brian wearing a cheeky smile as he ascended the stairwell. _What a delicious sight for sore eyes._  
  
“You haven’t left,” I gasped, as I jumped up to greet him. He raised the bags he was carrying and shook them at me.  
  
“Thought you could use some groceries,” he explained. My face broke into a beaming smile which was quickly replaced with a groan.  
  
“That’s lovely, but I don’t know how we’ll get them inside. I’ve locked myself out,” I admitted, sheepishly.  
  
He set down one of the bags and dug around in his pocket, producing my key. “Good thing I brought this, then,” he replied, jangling it at me.  
  
I let out a sigh of relief. “My hero,” I laughed, sticking my tongue out at him.  
  
He threw me the key and I let us in. He set about putting the groceries away as soon as he was inside, as I hovered awkwardly nearby.  
  
“Brian,” I started, desperate to apologise for assaulting him the night before.  
  
“Don’t say it, Aubrey,” he interrupted. “I deserved it and more. I’ve been an ass.”  
  
“ _I’ve_ been an ass,” I countered. “I was so terrified of being alone and then Adam showed up and it seemed… sensible… at the time. Really, I was just trying to fill a void. All I wanted, all I could think about, was you,” I finished, quietly. Brian had stopped putting the groceries away.  
  
“I should never have left you,” he replied, quietly, approaching me.  
  
“I should have called you,” I cast my eyes downwards.  
  
He tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, making me swoon a little. “I’m here now,” he said, softly. He put his fingers on my chin and pulled me in to lock lips. It sent fireworks shooting off around my being and soon our kiss developed into something hungrier, something needy. His hands ran down my figure as I threaded my fingers into his hair. It had been so long since we’d touched each other this way and we could both feel the urgency behind our passion. I moaned softly into the kiss, finally giving him the signal he needed to pick me up and carry me to the bedroom…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	13. 13

I was sat up in bed in a post-sex haze. Brian’s head was against my bump as he stroked it gently. Baby Gates was wriggling nonstop and Brian was grinning up at me in amazement.  
  
“Isn’t it crazy? He’s kicking me in the face,” he gushed in wonder. “Only Jimmy has ever kicked me in the face.”  
  
“Why does that not take me by surprise?” I quipped lightly, with a small smile.  
  
He chuckled, “The Kung Fu master doesn’t handle his Sambuca well.”  
  
I shivered, “Ugh, does anyone handle that shit well?”  
  
“Oh fuck, I completely forgot. I haven’t called him yet,” Brian added, making an exasperated noise.  
  
“What do you need to call him for?” I asked, putting a hand over his and guiding it to more Baby Gates movement.  
  
“Don’t you remember him on the bus? Geez, I think he’s more invested in our relationship than we are,” he joked, sitting up. “He’ll want to know how everything’s going.”  
  
I followed his lead and sat forwards, “Speaking of things going, when do you have to leave?”  
  
He sighed and looked away. I hated that he had to go again, but at least this time he would be coming back home to me before long. “I have to leave this evening. We start back tomorrow,” he hung his head.  
  
We didn’t have long together. I was determined to make the most of it, starting with food. Brian’s groceries were calling me from the kitchen. I dragged myself from bed and pulled on sweats and a baggy t-shirt. Brian grabbed his phone and punched in Jimmy’s number. He cradled it between his neck and shoulder as he got dressed.  
  
“I’ll start breakfast,” I called softly from the door way. He mouthed his thanks.  
  
As I made for the kitchen, I heard Jimmy answer and start talking at a million miles an hour. I smiled to myself imagining the phone call. Jimmy would go up like a very ecstatic rocket when Brian told him the news. It felt good to have someone rooting for us. I dug through the bags that Brian had abandoned unpacking halfway through. I’d not had so much choice in ages, he’d really gone to town. I settled for bacon with pancakes and started on the batter. I’d just added the first splodge of batter to the pan when Brian strolled in. He looked like the cat who’d got the cream.  
  
“How’d it go?” I asked, a smile playing across my lips.  
  
“How’d you think?” Brian beamed back at me. “He’s fucking overjoyed. I couldn’t shut him up about it. Also, he’s put in a name request for Baby Gates.”  
  
“I think I know exactly what that will be,” I smirked.  
  
“Yep, he wants a baby Jimmy,” he let out a snort. I giggled, attempting to flip a pancake. It landed half folded over.  
  
“If those are your pancakes, I’ll take over,” he said, stifling a laugh. I flipped him the bird but stood aside, knowing that I’d never hear the end of it if I served him pancakes à la Aubrey.  
  
“Have you thought of any names?” I asked, watching him with envy as he expertly flipping a pancake over. He paused in thought for a minute and then shrugged.  
  
“Nope, I got nothing,” he replied, returning to cooking.  
  
“I like Cole,” I suggested, gauging his reaction. He pulled a face. “Or not.”  
  
“How about Frankie?” he shot back.  
  
I grimaced, “Ew. No.”  
  
“I like Baby Gates,” he shrugged, bringing a plate loaded with pancakes and bacon over to the table.  
  
“He can’t be Baby Gates forever,” I laughed, taking a seat. We quibbled over names as we ate breakfast, our suggestions getting more and more outrageous until we’d reached the heights of ‘Fedora’ and ‘Quinoa’ which had had us rolling with laughter. When our giggles had subsided, Brian took my hand from across the table.  
  
“Let’s go out today,” he suggested. I gave him a nod.  
  
“Let me get showered then,” I said, standing from the table.  
  
“Need company?” He smirked devilishly, an eyebrow raised.  
  
I rolled my eyes, “Do you want to leave this house or not, Gates? You know we won’t make it out if you join me.” He held up his hands in mock surrender and started clearing the plates.  
  
It felt good to shower, rinsing the sweat of last night’s arguments away. I stepped out when I was done, wrapped myself in a towel and headed for the bedroom. My phone was lit up on the bedside table. Two messages awaited. I toweled my hair and slipped into some casual clothes before sitting on the bed to check them  
  
The first was Jimmy and simply said:  
  
Fucking yes.  
  
I smiled to myself, imagining him celebrating. He was so good-natured. He and Brian really did only want the best for each other and that was a solid quality in their friendship. The second message was from Adam...  
  
_I hope things worked out ok last night. Maybe I’ll see you sometime when I get to HB. Adam._  
  
I didn’t reply. It wouldn’t just rock the boat if I did, it would completely overturn it. I didn’t think it would be wise to pursue a friendship with Adam any time soon after the small spark there had been between us.  
  
“Aubrey, are you fucking ready yet? I’d like to go before the baby gets here,” Brian called from the kitchen. I shouted an expletive back at him and set to work raking a brush through my hair. Once I was satisfied that it was detangled, I made my way to the kitchen.  
  
“Finally! Jesus, what took you so long?” he said, gesturing theatrically.  
  
“Shut up,” I swatted at him, “let’s go.”  
  
“Well I’ve been trying to for the last 30 minutes,” he muttered as I booted him towards the door.  
  
  
  
  
We spent a perfect few hours at the beach. Our reunion in the bedroom had raised our spirits considerably and we behaved like love-struck teenagers. Once we’d tired of frolicking in the cold ocean, we laid out on the sand, letting the sun’s rays warm us back up again.  
  
“Fuck, I love it here,” Brian murmured, his hands behind his head. “I don’t want to leave again.”  
  
“You’ll be back before you know it,” I smiled, sympathetically.  
  
“18th December, right?”  
  
“Yeah, that’s so far away though. That’s like two months,” he sighed, then looked at me and shifted his tone. “How ever will you survive without _me_?”  
  
I rolled my eyes, “Quite well, thanks.”  
  
“I know you’ll be forlorn, really,” he said, smirking. “You’ll be wearing black every day and wailing ‘ _come back, Brian!_ ’ at the ocean.”  
  
“Can you tell your ego to pipe down, please?” I laughed, pulling my sunglasses down over my eyes. “How long do we have left?”  
  
“3 hours,” Brian replied, glumly. My face fell. Soon he’d be going back to wherever they were at the moment and I’d be alone for another two months. Seeing my face, he wrapped his arms around me.  
  
“It sucks, I know. Stick with it though, someone’s gotta keep my ego in check, Jimmy just blows it up” he winked. I shoved him off of me, playfully.  
  
“I think you’re past saving at this point,” I joked. He gave me a push, starting off a play fight. It was short lived as his phone rang, interrupting us. He groaned as he checked the screen.  
  
“What?” he answered, not bothering with pleasantries. He grunted his way through the conversation and then hung up. He looked out towards the ocean, avoiding my questioning look.  
  
“What’s going on?” I asked, quietly. He heaved a sigh.  
  
“Larry wants me back, we’re moving earlier. I have to leave,” he replied, reluctantly.  
  
I looked down and drew pictures in the sand with my finger as spoke, “Right now?”  
  
He nodded and we just sat quietly for a moment, both lost in thought.“I will call you every day,” he reassured me, breaking me out of my disappointment.  
  
“You better.”  
  
  
  
  
We headed back for my apartment so Brian could gather his things. I leaned against the doorway, watching him check his pockets one last time. With a small nod to himself, he cast one last look around my apartment.  
  
“This place is tiny,” he remarked, screwing his face up.  
  
“Thanks for your observation,” I laughed weakly, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
“I’m being serious, Aubrey. You can’t raise a baby here,” he retorted.  
  
“And just where else would you like me to do it? I don’t have much of a choice,” I reminded him.  
  
“Move into my place. There’s more than enough room for the three of us there,” He blurted, quickly. He sensed my hesitation.  
  
“Just think about it, Aubrey. Please?”  
  
“Of course I will,” I assured him. He checked the time and pulled a face.  
  
“In the meantime, I’ll wire you some money for this place,” he said, waving me away as I opened my mouth to protest. “Don’t argue, I’m not going to let you go without,” he insisted, sternly. He checked his phone again. “I have to go,” he murmured, sadly. I pulled him into an embrace.  
  
“I’ll be here when you get back,” I smiled through my tears. He put his hands on either side of my face and pulled me into a long kiss that made my heart burst. He took one last look into my eyes and whispered his goodbyes. I watched him go until he was out of sight. I was sad to see him leave, but this time I knew he’d be back and I held on to that tightly.  
  
…….  
  
The weather had turned cool but the air was warmed with festivities. I admired the Christmas lights as I waddled home to my apartment. Puffing my way up the stairs, I checked my phone. Brian would be calling any minute. I let myself into my apartment, which I had yet to give up. Baby Gates stuck a foot into my ribs, making me double over with a gasp.  
  
“Watch where you put those things, mister,” I scolded him.  
  
I was two weeks away from my due date and the size of a fucking house at this point. I rubbed my bump in an effort to get him to shift to a more comfortable position. Just as I was arguing with Baby Gates about his positioning, my phone rang out, making me dive for it. I answered the video call and then positioned the phone on my kitchen counter. A chorus of cheers rang out from it as I could see the Avenged boys all grouped around Brian’s phone.  
  
“Baby Gates update!” Jimmy demanded before even saying hello.  
  
I giggled at his eagerness. “Good day to you too,” I replied, playfully. “Alright, ready?”  
  
I stood back from the phone, letting it capture my baby bump from the side. More cheering resounded from the boys.  
  
“Aubrey, you’re fucking massive,” Zacky sputtered.  
  
“Gee, how kind of you,” I joked, not really minding his foot-in-mouth moment.  
  
“Alright, you lot. Get outta here,” Brian commanded them, giving Christ a shove.  
  
“Poor Johnny,” I giggled. “Leave him be, Bri.”  
  
“Yeah Bri, leave me be,” I heard Johnny laugh as Brian aimed a kick in his direction.  
  
“So,” Brian began, turning his attention to me. “How’re things?”  
  
The past two months, we had spoken on the phone every day. Once a week we video called so that he could see how Baby Gates (i.e. my tummy) was growing – something the rest of Avenged had started joining him for. I’d update him on all the aches and pains of pregnancy, the Christmas spirit in Huntington Beach and any news that came my way. Then he’d take his turn to regale me with his tales of tour, which shows had been the best and who’d drank the most and made a fool of themselves – never _him_ , of course. It was wonderful to keep up with each other but it sometimes made us miss each other even more than we already did. I was counting down the days until he was home.  
  
“Not long now, huh?” he grinned as we discussed Baby Gates. I pulled a face.  
  
“I was hoping he’d be out by now, he could come any time apparently. Officially, there’s two weeks left. I’m so uncomfortable that I want him out now though,” I replied with a grimace.  
  
“Don’t be too hasty, wait until I’m back at least,” he laughed his divine laugh, making me melt.  
  
I pouted, “Well, hurry up and come home then.”  
  
“Just one week to go,” he reminded me.  
  
“And I can’t wait,” I smiled.  
  
We said our goodbyes and after a racket of what I think was ‘goodbye’ from the rest of the boys – who were obviously _very_ excited about coming home, we hung up. There was a fluttering in my stomach, and this time it wasn’t Baby Gates. The next time we saw each other wouldn’t be a video call, it would be when he came home to me…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	14. 14

I woke with a start, unsure of what had roused me. I sat up and, bleary eyed, checked the clock. It was almost 5am on the dot. My mouth was as dry as a desert so I reached for my water. I glugged as much as I could stomach down, satisfying my thirst. It was as I set the glass back down that I felt it. A squeezing, cramping feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I’d had weird pains before, but not like this. Something about this was undeniably different and deep down I just instinctively knew.  
  
_This is it. Holy fuck._  
  
I got up and waddled to the shower. As I was rinsing my body, another wave hit me. I crouched down, letting the hot water hit my back and moaned until the pain had passed. This was _definitely_ it. I finished washing as quickly as I could and stepped out of the shower. I dried myself off and dressed myself in between another contraction. ,i>Brian, got to tell Brian. I hunted for my phone in the bedroom, eventually finding it buried between the bed sheets. I’d fallen asleep on the phone to Brian who’d been ready to party. Jesus, he’d better not have hit the liquor hard.  
  
Doubling over to accommodate another tightening, I fumbled through my phone to find Brian’s number and hit call as I let out a low wail. It rang endlessly until it hit his voicemail. I tried again, only to get the same response. _For fuck’s sake Brian._ I tried Jimmy’s phone instead though I knew he would be dead to the world until midday at least. His phone didn’t even ring. Fucking jackasses, they’re probably all hungover and not waking up any time soon.  
  
I dug under my bed and fished out my hospital bag. Holy shit, this is really happening. I tried Brian for a third time but, again, no answer.  
  
“This is the one and only Synyster Gates, don’t bother leaving a message,” his voicemail taunted. I left a message anyway - one full of expletives. Fuck it, I’m going to have to get on with the plan. I dragged myself and my bag out of my apartment and down to the street.  
  
“This is the only and only Synyster Gates-”  
  
“Fuck you!” I screeched at his voicemail, another wave of pain passing through me. Waving an arm, I managed to hail a lone cab. The driver took one look at me and shook his head.  
  
“Nope, not taking you,” he said, plainly.  
  
“What?! I need to get to the hospital, asshole!” I raged at him.  
  
“Not in my cab, you’re not. I don’t want the dry cleaning bill,” he shrugged and drove off leaving me stranded. I stood with my mouth agape until another contraction hit me.  
_Hellooo? Do something, you moron._ What do I do, though? I don’t know what to do.  
  
“This is the one and only Synyster Gates, don’t bother-”  
  
_Fucking Brian._ I paced up and down the pavement, trying to figure out what to do. I could only think of one option and I knew Brian would go mad but I couldn’t think of any other way to get to where I needed to be.  
  
  
  
  
  
“Just breathe through it.”  
  
“Oh fuck off, Adam. _You_ breathe through it, douchebag,” I snarled from the back seat of his car.  
  
“You’re seriously charming today, Aubrey,” he laughed his stupid laugh and I was ready to hit him.  
  
“Can you go any faster? Adam please, it really hurts,” I switched to pleading.  
  
“I can appreciate that it hurts, Aubrey, but I’m trying to get you there in one piece,” he replied. I narrowed my eyes and threw my fingers up at his seat.  
  
He sighed with a smirk, “I can see you in the mirror, you know?”  
  
“Oh, fuck off,” I spat, curling up into another moan. Once it had passed, I tried phoning Brian again, no luck. I groaned at his lack of availability.  
  
“Still not picking up?” Adam asked, sympathetically. I shook my head, wearily, trying again.  
  
“This is the one and only Syn-”  
  
“FUCKING FUCKFACE!” I shrieked, making Adam jump. He glanced at me in the mirror.  
  
“I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you focus on you and as soon as we get to the hospital, I will track Brian down and get him here with you, ok?” he asked, calmly.  
  
I thought about this for a while before quietly agreeing. It wasn’t a bad plan, especially as I couldn’t think straight through my contractions and stressing about Brian was not helping matters.  
  
  
  
  
  
Somehow, I survived the rest of the drive and I gasped with relief as Adam parked up at the hospital. He helped me out of the car, pausing midway for me to bend over in pain once more, and walked me to the Labor and Delivery ward. As soon as I had a nurse with me, he hugged me tightly.  
  
“I’m gonna find him, ok? You look after you and baby, I’ll take care of ‘Fucking Fuckface’,” he said, with a smirk.  
  
I grabbed his arm as he turned to leave. “Thank you,” I uttered as the pain started building again. He nodded and swiftly exited, leaving me with the nurse.  
  
  
  
  
My fringe was plastered to my face with sweat. _Jesus, this is hard work._  
  
“When does the baby get here?” I whimpered to the nurse as she examined me.  
  
She smiled sympathetically. “You’re not ready yet. You need to be 10cm dilated, you’re currently at 5cm so you have a bit of a wait at the moment,” she answered. My mouth dropped at her.  
  
“That far away?” I said in disbelief, “but it hurts so muuuch,” I wailed.  
  
“Would you like pain relief? I can get gas and air for you,” she offered. I nodded vigorously and she pulled a mask from the wall. “Just breathe into the mask when you feel a contraction – so now,” she finished as I started up the low moan that came with my tightenings.  
  
I took deep breaths into the mask but the pain was still building. “It’s not working,” I groaned, dropping the mask. She picked it up and passed it back to me.  
  
“Keep going with it,” she encouraged. I took deep breaths again. Eventually, my mind start to feel like it was sort of melting. I could still feel the pain, but I couldn’t have cared less about it. I was above that now, on a higher level.  
  
“Oh wow,” I exclaimed, dreamily. “This stuff _is_ good.”  
  
A chuckle came from the doorway, _Adam._  
  
“Is he coming?” I slurred, slowly coming back up from the feeling.  
  
Adam nodded and grinned, “Prince Charming is on his way as we speak. Just cross your legs for a bit, he’s got a 2 hour flight.”  
  
“What the FUCK? He’ll never get here in time!” I wailed, tears starting to well up in my eyes.  
  
“Actually,” put in the nurse, “He’ll probably get here in plenty of time.”  
  
“I don’t know if that’s comforting or fucking terrifying that I have well over 3 hours of this left,” I groaned.  
  
Adam rubbed my back. “I’ll stay until he gets here,” he smiled, “if you want me to, of course.”  
  
“Yes, please do,” I didn’t even hesitate. I did not want to be alone and right now, I didn’t care what Brian would say about it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Another contraction; more gas and air; another long, low moan. It’s been 3 hours and there’s no sign of Brian yet. I look like absolute shit. At least the gas and air is taking the edge off, even if it does make me feel drunk. I feel like I’m slowed down whilst the rest of the world carries on at normal speed. Even my voice is slow and deep.  
  
“Are you ok?” Adam asked, looking concerned.  
  
“I sound like Barry White,” I slurred at him.  
  
He snorted, “You really don’t.”  
  
I shot him a determined look and began to sing. “The first, the last, my everythiiiing,” I warbled in my deep baritone.  
  
He laughed hysterically, almost on the floor. I raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Can I tell you something, as a doctor?” he chuckled.  
  
I squinted at him, “Go on.”  
  
“You only sound weird to yourself, everyone else hears you normally. But don’t let that stop you, it was a truly, great performance,” he applauded me as I blushed.  
  
“Fucking Jesus,” I grumbled, taking more gas and air to counter a contraction.  
  
This only made him laugh harder. And of course, it was when I was high as fuck and Adam was splitting his sides that the entire of Avenged walked in.  
  
“Brian,” I garbled, trying to gather myself. “Am I Barry White?”  
  
“Alright, everyone out. Two people maximum,” demanded the nurse, looking mildly annoyed at the large crowd. Avenged filed out save for Brian. He approached Adam and gave him a nod.  
  
“Thanks for getting hold of me, man. I appreciate it,” he said, even managing a hint of gratitude.  
  
“Barry White is all yours,” Adam replied, slapping Brian’s back as he made to leave. Brian gave me a thoroughly confused look.  
  
“Don’t ask,” I muttered, as my head started clearing again. I grabbed at his hand. “I’m so glad you made it.”  
  
“Me too,” he agreed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here from the start.”  
  
“I don’t care, you’re here now and that’s all I care about,” I replied, grateful. The nurse swept back into the room, pulling a glove on.  
  
  
  
  
  
After another awkward exam, the nurse gave me a stellar smile.  
  
“Guess who’s ready to have a baby?” she beamed. I groaned, loudly.  
  
“I’ve been ready for the last 8 hours,” I retorted, not sure whether I was happy about what was coming or not. I decided I was absolutely terrified. Brian took his place by my head and held my hand as tight as he could, stroking my hair with the other.  
  
“Nervous?” I asked him. He shook his head.  
  
“Excited as fuck,” he grinned back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	15. 15

This is the least attractive I’ve ever felt in my life. On my hands and knees, panting and cursing, red faced and covered in sweat. I’m pissed off too, the pain is not wearing well on me. I’d be ready to murder someone if I wasn’t so exhausted.  
  
Brian squeezed my hand, “You can do it, Aubrey. Keep pushing.”  
  
“Don’t tell me what to do, you fucking cretin,” I growled back to him.  
  
“Only trying to give encouragement,” he laughed as he rolled his eyes.  
  
The nurse smiled at him sympathetically as she rubbed my back. “The fathers always get it at this point, don’t take it personally,” she said, lightly.  
  
I bit my tongue, not wanting to piss off the only person in the room who could get this baby out of me. Another contraction washed over me and I gave another huge push.  
  
“That’s fantastic, Aubrey, keep going,” the nurse urged, smiling at me. I let out a long, low groan.  
  
“Oh yeah, don’t bite her head off then,” Brian muttered under his breath, quietly. Not quietly enough. I pulled my hand from his and flailed my arm around, trying to land a slap on him. He dodged each attempt, laughing, which only made me more furious in my flailing. “Will you concentrate on the task at hand please, Aubrey?” His voice was serious but he had a stupid grin on his face, indicating that he was taking the piss.  
  
“Just you fucking wait, Gates. When I’m done with this I’m going to-” I was cut short by another contraction. Brian resumed holding my hand, which I didn’t object to. A stinging heat ripped through me as I pushed, making my eyes water.  
  
“Right, Aubrey, baby’s head is nearly out. This is the worst bit, but I promise it won’t last long,” reassured the nurse. I let out an unearthly scream, making Brian jump.  
  
“ _OHMYGODITFUCKINGBURNS,_ ” I howled, gripping Brian’s hand even tighter. “Brian, is my vagina on fire? Fucking Jesus Christ!”  
  
“Can’t see any flames,” he snickered. I would have attempted to slap him again but I was temporarily disabled by the pain. Another contraction came and I braced myself.  
  
“Ok, little pushes now,” the nurse instructed as she pulled on a pair of gloves.  
  
“ _Littlepushes?_ Little pushes?! I want him out already,” I shouted, dissolving into more moaning as my body took over. As I finished, I realised Brian had leaned to the other end of my body and was watching, eyes wide as dinner plates.  
  
“Fucking get up here,” I wailed at him. “Right now, Brian!”  
He uttered, “Aubrey, it’s amazing, I can see our baby,” as he re-joined me at my head end. I softened a little at his excitement.  
  
“Ok, keep going with the little pushes. You’re doing so well, Aubrey. Here comes baby’s head!” the nurse cheered as my pain spiked and then dissipated.  
  
“Oh thank God, but I can’t do it anymore. Can’t you just pull the rest of him out?” I whimpered. I was totally beat and didn’t think I could do anymore.  
  
“No, I can’t,” she laughed apologetically, “but don’t worry, you’ve got this. One big push for the shoulders and then he’ll be out in a shot.”  
  
Her words encouraged me and when the next wave of squeezing pain came, I gave it all I had. Brian abandoned me again to watch the action. I was suitably horrified at his voyeurism, but also very much focused on the task at hand so didn’t have time to protest.  
  
“Get ready dad,” the nurse called to him. Brian looked confused and then terrified as she grabbed his hands. “You can catch him.”  
  
She guided his hands and I heard Brian gasp softly as a huge wave of relief came over me. There was a moment of quiet where all I could hear was Brian softly making strange little noises of wonder, and then I heard it. It rang out, triggering such a ferocious feeling of protection in me. _My baby’s cry._  
  
I turned over and came face to face with Brian who, with the help of the nurse, placed our baby onto my bare chest. This tiny, pinkey-purple baby, stained with a little blood, screaming its lungs out.  
  
“He’s so perfect, Aubrey,” Brian whispered in amazement. I nodded my head in agreement, lost for words. Brian stroked my hair back from my face. “And you were amazing. You were a fucking nightmare, but you were amazing,” he continued. I smiled weakly up at him.  
  
“I’m sorry for bitching at you,” I said, with a soft giggle.  
  
“One look at this guy and it was all worth it,” he replied, gazing at the squirming bundle. “I would take every bit all over again for him.”  
  
“Even ‘fucking cretin’?” I grinned sheepishly as I looked up at him.  
  
“Yep, even ‘fucking cretin’,” he smiled back. He eyes came to rest again on our baby. “Look at him, Aubrey, our Baby Gates.”  
  
I shook my head softly and corrected him, “Baby _Haner._ ”  
  
His eyes darkened with emotion and he leant in to kiss me, softly. It was a kiss that said a thousand words. Every single look, every single touch, every single word we had ever said to each other sparked through my being, setting me on fire. Apparently, Brian experienced similar because he pulled away and stared deep into my eyes.  
  
“I fucking love you,” he breathed, planting a kiss on my forehead.  
  
“Right, let’s get this little man fed,” the nurse interrupted our moment as she bustled over. Brian moved out of her way.  
  
“I’m gonna give you guys some space and go and let the guys know,” he smiled and slipped out of the room.  
  
  
  
With only a small amount of fumbling, we managed to get Baby Haner happily nuzzled to my chest and sucking greedily. I looked at him in wonder, in disbelief that less than an hour ago he hadn’t existed in the real world. I was just beginning to lose myself in my thoughts when I heard a cheer erupt in the distance. Predictably, Jimmy’s excited screeches were easily audible above the rest of Avenged’s voices. It sounded very much like a party was brewing in the waiting room, one that I expected was soon to be evicted by the nurses. Sure enough, the din quickly died down and subsequently Brian reappeared with a very happy grin on his face.  
  
“Man, I’ve never seen Jimmy so fucking excited,” he laughed as he took his place next to me. He leaned in close, gently stroking his fingers over our baby’s skin. “You must be exhausted,” he said, taking in my weary demeanour. I nodded in affirmation. I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Baby Haner let out a small snuffle and turned his face away from me, apparently having had his fill.  
  
The nurse breezed over and eased him out of my arms.  
  
“I’ll get him cleaned up and dressed for you,” she whispered, gently. Brian handed her an outfit we’d chosen out for him, a tiny white sleepsuit embroidered with little yellow ducks and a matching hat. I started fading in and out, desperate to stay awake but so fatigued that I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Brian helped me to dress myself in a loose nightdress and settled me into a comfortable position. That was all I needed for sleep to take hold of me. The last thing I saw was Brian, cuddling our little boy close and whispering sweet words to him, and then I drifted off into the most peaceful sleep I’d had in months.  
  
  
  
  
  
“He’s adorable, brother. Got a name yet?”  
  
“Nope, he’s still ‘Baby’ at the moment.”  
  
I woke up to hushed tones being exchanged between Matt and Brian. Our room had magically, inexplicably filled with cards, gifts and balloons. I wasn’t sure how long I’d slept but clearly a lot had happened. I turned towards the noise and saw Matt cradling Baby Haner with Brian sat next to him. Hearing my shuffling, Brian looked over to me and his face lit up.  
  
“You’re awake,” he smiled. “We’ve had some visitors, I hope you don’t mind. I thought I’d let you get some rest.”  
  
“That’s fine. Who’s been?” I asked, wriggling to sit up in the bed.  
  
“Just the Avenged family,” he replied, fetching some water for me. Matt looked up from the little person in his arms and grinned at me.  
  
“Congratulations Aubrey, he’s amazing. Looks like he got his mother’s good looks,” he quipped, eliciting a curse from Brian.  
  
“Thanks,” I blushed, lightly. “Is he hungry?”  
  
“I reckon he will be any time now,” Brian said, gently lifting him from Matt’s arms and carrying him over to me. Matt stood and excused himself.  
  
“I’ll let you have some privacy,” he said, backing out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I slipped my nightdress down and settled Baby onto my breast. Brian sighed and put his head in his hands.  
  
“I’ve got some bad news,” he confessed.  
  
I cocked my head to one side, “Oh?”  
  
“I haven’t let the Rev in yet because, well, you were sleeping and he’s loud as fuck. He’s bouncing off the walls in the waiting room. I’ll have to let him in soon,” he groaned and chuckled simultaneously.  
  
“Just give us a minute and he can come in,” I replied with a grin. I cuddled Baby Haner close as he fed, feeling incredibly in love with him already. Once he’d had enough, I slid my dress back up and gave Brian the nod. He slipped out of the room to invite the last member of Avenged to meet our son. I spoke softly to Baby as I braced myself for Hurricane Jimmy. I didn’t have to wait long before our door burst open and the legend himself danced in, shouting unintelligible but unmistakably happy words. Once Brian had calmed him down enough to sit still, I brought the baby over to him. He held out his arms and then held Baby Haner closely, softly as though he might break. I’d never seen Jimmy so quiet and still in the entire length of time I’d known him.  
  
“A baby looks good on you, Jim,” I winked, as he stared down at him in wonder.  
  
“Fuck yeah it does,” Jimmy replied, softly. “Nothing chicks like more than a good looking guy holding a baby. I know I’m irresistible right now,” his lisp clung to the word, making Brian shoot an amused look at me.  
  
“I’ve never seen you so… normal,” Brian teased, nudging Jimmy softly.  
  
Jimmy shot him a warning look. “Don’t fuck about Bri, I’m handling precious goods,” he scolded, swatting him away.  
  
“So, what do you think, Jim?” Brian asked, putting an arm around me.  
  
“I think he’s perfect, and you know what he looks like?” Jimmy asked, pausing as he snuggled the tiny person in his arms. “He looks like a _Baby Jimmy._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	16. 16

I was sat in the back of Brian’s car, settling baby as he drove us home. I was so incredibly tired that I was kept catching myself nodding off at random moments.  
  
“Bri,” I began, getting his attention. “You still have three days of tour left.”  
  
“We’ve cancelled,” he replied, simply.  
  
I was taken aback. “Why?”  
  
“Because I have something more important to do,” he gave me a soft smile. “We’ll rearrange dates. Our fans will understand.”  
  
I looked at the little bundle sleeping peacefully next to me, lulled by the car. Though it was beyond my control, I felt guilty for dragging Avenged away from the last leg of their tour.  
  
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Brain piped up, reading my mind.  
  
I gave him a little smile in return. The feeling of contrition didn’t stay long. It was overtaken by an a creeping joy as we pulled onto my street. I soon could see my apartment and it filled me with elation. I was bringing my baby home, with Brian. We pulled up outside, Baby stirring as the motion and white noise of the engine dwindled to nothing. I stroked his face, hushing him as we let ourselves out of the car. Brian unstrapped the car seat and we headed into the building, climbing the stairs to my apartment.  
I looked around as we entered my home, realising how vastly different everything was about to be.  
  
“Everything ok?” Brian asked, as he set the car seat down. I nodded, thoughtfully.  
  
“It’s just strange that I left here pregnant, and then I’ve come home with a tiny thing that I didn’t have a day ago,” I replied, my gaze falling to the snuffling infant at his feet.  
  
Brian gently lifted him from the car seat and carried him to the sofa. I joined him, and we snuggled in close. Was this what being a family was going to be like? I pondered as my eyelids started drooping. The comfort of the couch and security of home had me dozing off.  
  
I was jolted awake by baby making little complaining noises, working up for a feed. Brian was shushing him as he bounced him in his arms. The sight made my heart swell with pride. For all his worries about being a good father, he certainly played the part well now that the time had come. I almost didn’t want to interrupt the moment before me, but knew that we would be dealing with the racket of a hungry baby if I didn’t step in. I held out my arms and Brian smoothly passed baby between us. I settled him against my chest to feed and the peace was restored.  
  
Brian was beaming with pride as he watched us. “I can’t believe we’ve got a baby,” he murmured, running a hand through his hair. “It feels so unreal.”  
  
“I know. We actually have him here in our arms now. It’s actually happening,” I laughed, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the huge change in our lives.  
  
“We should think of a name,” Brian suggested. I pulled a face at him.  
  
“That didn’t go so well last time, did it?” I groaned, wearily. “I don’t even know where we’d start.”  
  
Brian smirked, “We could always start with Ji-”  
  
“We do not need _two_ ‘Jimmy’s in this world,” I cut him off quickly with a giggle. “One is quite enough work, thank you.”  
Brian snorted and went quiet in thought again. I could see that he was coming up with nothing.  
  
“Bri, when the time is right, I’m sure a name will just jump out at us and feel like the perfect fit,” I reassured him. I’m not sure if he believed me. I didn’t believe me, but I had no better suggestions for the time being.  
  
  
  
  
Time passed us by in such a flash that we barely realised that Christmas Day was upon us before it had almost completely passed by. We’d been caught up in a solid routine; life now a flurry of feeds, naps and diaper changes. Brian was the perfect doting father, involved in every way he could be. I didn’t know it could be possible, but I fell more in love with him every day. Every bath time, every cuddle, every whispered “ _I love you_ ” to our son made my heart soar. Amongst it all, we’d somehow managed – with a lot of help from our Avenged family – to get the contents of my apartment moved to Brian’s house. It felt weird leaving the apartment that I’d grown so attached to, but Brian’s house signalled the beginning of a new chapter in my life.  
  
We were settled on the sofa, enjoying being cuddled up as Baby napped in his bouncer when Brian suddenly gasped and sat up. I steadied myself with my hand as I tried to regain my balance.  
  
“What’s wrong?” I asked, still shocked by his sudden movement.  
  
“It’s fucking Christmas,” he blurted out, leaving his mouth hanging open in disbelief.  
  
“Is it?” I frowned, making a futile attempt to count the days on my fingers.  
  
“Yes, it is. And we aren’t ready for the party. Fuck!”  
  
“What are you on about, party?” I raised an eyebrow, this was the first I was hearing of it and I’d no idea what was going on.  
  
“The Sander’s Christmas party,” Brian groaned, his head in his hands. “They throw one every year and everyone goes.” He checked the time. “We can still make it on time if we leave now.”  
  
“I’m in my pyjamas,” I replied, dumbly. “What do we do with Baby?”  
  
“He can come with us,” Brian smiled and his eyes lit up. “It would be nice for Matt’s parents to meet him. And everyone will be there and get to see him.”  
  
I weighed it up in my mind and decided that it would be nice to get out of the house and see people. Especially people who had treated us so well the past week, bringing gifts, food and kind words as often as they could.  
  
“Alright, let me brush my hair and find clothes that don’t have baby sick on them,” I grimaced at the thought.  
  
  
  
  
An hour later, we were arriving at Matt’s parents’. They owned a grand, 3 storey house, pool out back and a huge, manicured garden at the front. We approached the door and I could hear laughter coming from inside. I could see a Christmas tree, merrily lit up through the window and a couple of the Avenged boys beside it. Jimmy caught sight of us through the window and disappeared quick as a shot. Brian reach for the door but it was ripped open before he could even grab the handle.  
  
“YOU GUYS MADE IT!” Jimmy screeched, overly excited at our presence. He pulled Brian into a hug and, looking over his shoulder, noticed the little pile of blankets in my arms. His voice dropped down as quietly as he could manage (which wasn’t quiet at all) and he cooed, “And you’ve bought Baby Jimmy with you!”  
  
“He’s not called Jimmy,” Brian retorted, rolling his eyes and sighing in mock exasperation.  
  
“Sure he is,” Jimmy replied with a cackle, disappearing quickly before Brian could argue any more. I giggled as Brian rubbed his temples.  
  
“Jimmy isn’t an awful name, you know,” I began, grinning wickedly. “It’s kinda cute for a baby.”  
  
“Don’t you start with that shit,” Brian warned, but he smirked as he said it.  
  
We finally got into the house and were immediately swarmed by friends and family. I happily passed Baby over to Matt’s mother, who was besotted instantly.  
  
“Want a drink?” I asked Brian, who paused from his conversation with Matt’s father to give me a nod. I ventured into the kitchen and poured Brian a Jack and Coke. He deserved something a little stronger than the coffee he’d been surviving off of since we came home. I stuck to soda water, mindful that I’d be looking after and feeding Baby for the evening.  
  
As I reappeared and handed Brian his drink, I was immediately sucked into conversation with Zacky and Johnny. The evening flew past, everyone full of Christmas cheer and the buzz of being together. Before long, I was getting tired and Baby was getting restless.  
  
“Shall we head home soon?” I hinted at Brian as I yawned. He nodded, and let out a yawn of his own before chuckling.  
  
“Fuck, we’re already those people. We’re so lame,” he laughed.  
  
“We’re not lame, we’re parents of a newborn and we’re fucking tired,” I reminded him, rubbing my eyes. We located our child, currently in Jimmy’s arms. He was usually the life and soul of the party, but he’d put it on hold as soon as we’d walked through the door. I settled onto the sofa next to him and put an arm around him.  
  
“Hey, I was just enjoying him,” Jimmy said, softly. I gave him a squeeze.  
  
“I’m glad you dote on him so much, Uncle Jimmy,” I smiled, my heart warming at the amount of love that surrounded our child.  
  
“Uncle Jimmy? I told Bri that I wanted to be Uncle Knifemaster,” he frowned, making me snort with laughter. He carefully slid Baby into my arms and I wrapped him up in blankets for the walk home.  
  
We said our goodbyes to everyone and headed home, Brian buzzing from the alcohol and I from the friendly atmosphere.  
  
  
  
  
  
We awoke to hammering on Brian’s door. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. Baby was sleeping soundly in his moses basket whilst the TV played softly in the background. We’d fallen asleep on the sofa watching something, I couldn’t remember what. Another series of urgent knocks came and I nudged Brian who’d began stirring.  
  
“Someone’s at the door,” I whispered, shaking him gently. He checked the time.  
  
“It’s fucking 4am,” he complained as he stood. “Yeah, I’m coming,” he called out irritably, as the knocking started again. He stumbled off to the door. I checked on Baby before following, hot on his heels. He ripped the door open and Zach was standing there, pale and breathing heavily.  
  
“What’s going on?” Brian asked, his expression quickly changing from anger to concern.  
  
Zacky was shaking his head, tears in his eyes. “Jimmy’s in the hospital bro,” he began, his voice cracking. “Dude, you need to come.”  
  
I gave Brian a slight shove and nodded at him.  
  
“Go on, go. He needs you,” I urged. I could see Brian was struggling to process what was happening so I gave him a quick shake and then pressed his car keys into his hand. “Go, Brian. Drive safe and call me as soon as you know what’s happening.”  
  
His fingers closed around the keys and he gave me a nod still speechless. I watched from the doorway as he and Zacky hurried towards his car, silently praying that everything would be ok. Brian started the car up and pulled out of the driveway. I watched them go until the car was out of sight and I was left alone with only guesses as to what was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


	17. Epilogue

I set our clothes out on the bed, smoothing the creases from the hangers out. Baby gurgled from his bouncer and I hushed him. Brian approached from behind and looked down at his outfit, his face solemn. I put my arms around him and held him close, a stray tear rolling down my cheek.  
  
“I can’t…” he began, but trailed off.  
  
“I know,” I said, understanding that there were no real words for the situation. We embraced, quietly, both trying to process everything.  
  
“He was just here. We just saw him last week,” Brian stuttered. I could only nod and hold him tighter in reply. We were interrupted by Baby letting out a small whimper. Brian broke away from me to pick him up. I looked at Brian’s suit and my black dress, waiting to be adorned for an event that neither of us could believe we were attending. I closed my eyes, willing reality away.  
  
“I know his name,” Brian interrupted my thoughts. I looked at him silently, knowingly, and nodded.  
  
“He was right all along,” I replied, softly, my heart crushed with the realisation. “He always knew what he’d end up being named.”  
  
Brian’s face scrunched up as he held our son close. “He fucking knew,” he agreed, a tiny laugh escaping from his throat before his face twisted with grief.  
  
We stood quietly together for a moment, until Brian looked down at the squirming infant in his arms. His lips pulled into a soft smile as his loving gaze was returned from the small dark eyes of our son.  
  
_“Baby Jimmy.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I also write on www.A7Xfanfic.com  
> You can find more of my work there under the name RamonaFoREVer :)


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